Wednesday, June 18, 2003

I'm sure most of you know that you can become a legally ordained minister online. The two main purveyors of this sort of thing are the ULC and the PULC. I became an ordained minister out of sheer boredom back in '95 from the ULC. And I did it the old fashioned way, via snail mail. I haven't performed any marriage ceremonies or started a bizarro church, but I can't say what I'll do in the future. The Screaming Church of Full Frontal Nudity? Hmmm...

The best thing about these weird outfits that do these ordinations is that they're basically diploma mills. The PULC in particular offers a downright peculiar array of Ph.D.s: Counseling, Metaphysics, Parapsychology, Theology, Healing, Hypnotherapy, Tarot, Holistic, Homeopathy, Religion, Astrology, Psychic, Herbology, Dreams, Graphology, Naturopathy, Clairvoyant, Psychometry, Meditation, Exorcisms, Acupressure, Ufology, Reflexology, Aromatherapy, Psychology, Dowsing, etc. Somewhere I have an envelope full of brochures that list every one they offer, and at the time not only were they having a half price sale, they were also having a buy-one-get-one-free sale. Now that's an educational bargain. On the PULC site there's the following quote, "Become a 'Doctor' & Certified Professional helping others to help themselves." I love those quotes around Doctor. And remember, "your title of 'Doctor' alone could make the difference between dismal failure and growing success." Just what kind of job can I get with a Ph.D. in Ufology that I bought in a half-price sale?

I once saw a classified ad in some tabloid for a place that was selling diplomas. The ad copy read something like, "Get a degree from 'California Central University'." And I thought, Yeah, I really want a degree from a school who's name is in quotation marks.

I saw Pastor Jack Stahl, founder and leader of the PULC last night on Unscrewed performing an exorcism on the host of the show. Pastor Stahl also runs the Church of Tom Jones, so you know he's completely sane and sincere.

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