Saturday, July 29, 2006

Male models beware

Hey, there's a photo of me on the internet! Well, kinda.

Thursday, July 27, 2006


I bought a bag of animal crackers this morning. Most of the animals are readily identifiable: donkeys, horses, cats, lions, camels, etc. But then there's things like in the photo. Sheep? Rhino? Diseased cow?

Saturday, July 22, 2006


It's been quite hot at work, even at night, so I've been enjoying the ice-maker in the break room. A few nights ago I got a cup and filled it with ice and then put water in it from the fountain. (The water in the fountains is far better than the water in the coolers. For some reason the water coolers reek faintly of sewage.) I drank all the water and then began to eat the ice. After I was about halfway through, I noticed a dead bug in the bottom of the cup.

Why I'll never get to design anything

I'm still wracked with sloth these days, but I did manage to come up with an idea. My loathsome employer sells many types of piñatas, most of which are fairly dull things like movie/TV characters or bland things like racecars and cacti. Why can't we have an interesting piñata for once? So I thought up a piñata that's shaped like a toilet and it would have an electronic doo-dad inside that would make a loud flushing sound when it was hit hard enough to bust. I'll leave it up to the consumer as to what type of prizes would be in a toilet shaped piñata.

Monday, July 17, 2006


Ugh, I'm wracked with sloth these days, so I don't feel like posting anything.

Things could be worse, though. At my job last friday, a guy on first shift got fired for stealing someone's lunch. Of all the things to get fired for. If you're going to get fired then go out with a bang and punch somebody in the nuts or steal a computer.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

What happened to Cubby?

Last night while reading celebrity gossip on Usenet, I came across one of the more bizarre vintage rumors I've ever heard:
When I was a kid, there was a rumor that all the Mouseketeers but Annette had been killed in a bus crash, and that Annette was left paralyzed and would have to perform as a puppet (with strings holding her up).

Best costume ever

This ghost cup is one of my employers many tedious Halloween designs. Friday, while languishing at my desk, I looked over at this cup and noticed that the ghost actually looked more like a resevoir tip condom. The ghost's head also looks kind of like a breast.

I think that when you work third shift the world is your Rorschach inkblot test.


I'd always thought the name spork was a slang term, but apparently they really are called that. In the breakroom at work there's a box of them and on the side of the carton is "sporks".

This all seemed far more fascinating in my head; I guess it should've stayed there.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Yuck it up, funny boy

I have nothing to post, so here's some of the latest idiotic things people have searched to end up here:

vagina's falling out
Well, that's no good. But do you really think Google's a better option than a doctor?

Cremation Fetish
Quite possibly the ultimate perversion. Or maybe just the strangest.

giantess fart
I don't make these things up. Really, I don't.

monster furzkissen
Furzkissen is German for whoopie-cushion, so the searcher is looking for a monster whoopie-cushion, which I guess would be either a really big whoopie-cushion or simply a whoopie-cushion intended for monsters. I wish I could be of some help to this seacher, but sadly I can't.

How do i find the free website for men that like big beautiful black women?
Ordinarily I'd suggest using a search engine, but it seems you've already tried that with remarkably little success.

why men wear bras blogs
I hope there's no blogs dedicated to men wearing bras. Anyway, I don't know of any, but there's one that features cats that look like Hitler.

what does ronald defeo do all day in the insane facility
I'm sure I have no idea. [Obligatory link explaining who Ronald Defeo, Jr. is.]

make penis last longer homebrew
If I had such information wouldn't I be selling it and making my fortune instead working the stupid low-paying job I have? I'd never give away free information on making penis last longer. No, if you're going to make penis last longer you're going to have actually spend money, not just make something out of ordinary household ingredients or items.

free books about cunnilingus techniques
So not only is the searcher bad at performing cunnilingus, he/she is cheap as well.

Kevin nu bite porno gay
I'm torn between confusion and curiosity.

wikipedia "hoop skirt" toilet OR outhouse
Here's a radical idea that might actually work: why not try searching at Wikipedia?

Porn owned by vaginas? Now that's kinky.

+bird +shit +hit +head
Having a bad day?

carrying unconscious women monsters
So is this monsters carrying unconscious women or someone carrying an unconscious adult female monster? The second option is the far more interesting one.

largest protruding nipple enhancers
"But I was just doing research! Honest!" Sure you were, perv. Sure.