Friday, December 31, 2004

Good riddance, 2004

I certainly hope 2005 is better than 2004.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Codex Seraphinianus

My sister came down for Christmas and brought her copy of Luigi Serafini's Codex Seraphinianus. I hadn't seen a copy of this book since the 80's when my sister checked out the two volume edition from her college library. She finally broke down and bought a copy earlier this year. It's the single volume Franco Maria Ricci edition from the early 90's. Exquisitely weird. I have to get my hands on a copy of this book, but I dont really want to spend $250-plus to get it.

Holiday heck

Ugh, the holidays are over. Well, almost. That whole New Year's thing is still around the corner. Anyway, most of the main holiday chaos is over.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Festive feh

I'm going to use Christmas as an excuse not to post for the next few days. We don't even celebrate Christmas anymore. Nope. Every year since '97 we sacrifice a goat to Odin and dance naked around a bonfire. It's keen.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

What the hell?

Over the past couple of years I've written about how many hits I get for mongolian porn. I get them all the time. In fact, I get them so regularly that I don't write about it anymore or even think about that much. Well, until recently. A few days ago someone left a comment at this entry from last year: "Yes. We are only 3 million mongolians in my country. People can not act so open." A real Mongolian? I have gotten a surprisingly large number of hits from Mongolia. Anyway, for the first time in a long time, I decided to search Google for mongolian porn.

The number one hit is an article at Arkansas Traveler, the student newspaper at the University of Arkansas. (Unfortunately registration is required to actually read the article, but you can bypass that by hitting the article through the Google search for mongolian porn.)

The article's about spam filters that target Korean porn spam. The writer brings up some good points, but then it gets really interesting (at least to me):
Is this really an epidemic? Have you been receiving Korean pornography? I haven't--where's mine? I might enjoy it. And I'm not alone in that. Strictly for the purposes of research, I found 207,000 "Korean Porn" Web sites in .13 seconds. And it's as obvious as "Koreanhardcore.com" or "Hotkoreangirls.com."

Next, how does this piece of software know the difference between Korean pornography, and, let's say, Mongolian pornography? That's something you never hear about: Mongolian porn.

Again, strictly in the name of scholarly research, I scoured the Internet and oddly enough found a Web site, www.volume22.blogspot.com. It was created by a guy who also Googled for "Mongolian Porn," didn't find any, and so set up his own Web site so other people looking for obscure smut could finally get a hit.

Yep, that's the only reason I set up this blog and maintained it for over two years: so people looking for obscure smut could finally get a hit.

Anyway, what he was referring to was this entry from Jan. 17, 2003 where I wrote, "I got a hit early this morning from someone looking for Israeli porn. That'll be my niche, obscure porn of the world. I can't wait until I get a hit for Mongolian porn. It'll happen, trust me." This is what's known on Earth as a joke.

Cold!

Why is it so damn cold? Oh, yeah, it's winter. Yesterday, I got up and looked at the temperature and it was eleven degrees. That's Fahrenheit, not centigrade. We're not used to that kind of cold down here. It was even too cold to spend more than a few minutes online, since my computer's in the coldest room of the house. So I spent the whole day under a blanket on the couch. I plan on doing the same today, even though today it's probably thirty degrees outside.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

No, no! A thousand times, no!

"The purpose of ClownResourceDirectory.com is to share, educate, and act as a gathering place for people, who want to be clowns."

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

News you can't possibly use

Breaking news! There's a drunken moose alert in southern Norway. So stay the hell out of southern Norway if you can.

Folklore?

With a URL like Folklore.org you'd think they'd have lots of...you know, folklore, but, oddly, it appears to be mainly tons of stories about the original Macintosh.

1-2-3-4!!

The arizona hardcore punk rock flyer archive 1982-1984 has darn near a gazillion gig flyers from bands like Black Flag, Dead Kennedys, Minutemen, Husker Du, etc.

The ugly internet

The Browser Emulator lets you look at websites using emulations of a variety of ancient web browsers like NCSA Mosiac, Hot Java, and early versions of Netscape and IE.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Les Femmes au Pinocchio

I don't quite understand Pinocchia.com. It's lots of pictures of beautiful women with Pinocchio noses added with Photoshop. Apparently it's a fetish site. [Safe for work? Search me.]

Groundhogs

There's a big groundhog that I see occasionally hanging around in the backyard. I'd love to have it for a pet, but that's unlikely. Imagine sitting on the couch with a nice big groundhog curled up in your lap. No?

The best groundhog website I've seen is HogHaven. Make sure your speakers are on.

Holiday Wookiees

Last week I downloaded the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special that originally aired in late November 1978. (I got it off the Shareaza network, and it took forever since I'm on dial-up.)

George Lucas reportedly wants this travesty banned, which is understandable considering how bad it is. The first twenty minutes are nothing but untranslated Wookiee jibber-jabber. Seriously.

I thought it would be humorously bad, but it's not really. Other than the occasional bizarre moment that makes you wonder just how much drugs everyone was taking, it's just boring and/or embarrassing.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Odd audio

Clay's Oddities Wav Page has a bunch of .wav files of various strange things like scary fundamentalist preachers saying stupid things, a drunk John Wayne giving a speech, and a dumb (and very unlucky) guy trapped in a phone booth calling 911 for help.

An observation

Why is it that the cars on the street with the loudest, most hot-rodded exhaust systems are invariably the slowest damn vehicles on the street? And why are they almost always in front of me?

Dang it!

I was at a thrift store this morning and saw an old accordion for $35. It was a small one, maybe a foot high. Of course I didn't have $35, but, more importantly, I don't have a job, nor do I know how to play an accordion. But I want it!

Monday, December 06, 2004

Story time!

I wish these deranged childrens' books actually existed; we need them now more than ever.

Update: This link doesn't work anymore. I think the owners were getting too much traffic, so they're now denying everyone access.

Huh?

A few days ago I was watching TV and a during a commercial for Citi, there was some familiar music playing. Then it hit me, it was The Feelies, of all people. The song: "Slow Down" from their 1986 album, The Good Earth (which I have on vinyl).

Of course none of you know what I'm talking about, so I'll stop here.

Do they even pay attention?

Saturday afternoon I was watching a documentary about children with a rare genetic disorder called progeria that causes them to rapidly age and have to suffer the same types of things people in their 70's-90's face. During a commercial break, there was an ad for Oil of Olay. The voiceover mentioned things like how it would make your skin look younger. To put it mildly, I was shocked they would let such an appalling juxtaposition occur. Do they even pay attention to what commercials run during various programs? It's almost as bad as seeing weight loss commercials during a program about a famine.

Mundane

I'm back to blogging. I feel better, but but not substantially so.

Monday, November 29, 2004

A break

I think I'm going to take a blogging break for about a week. Maybe my new brain tonic will be working by the end of the week and I can once again stand the idea of blogs.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Monk Time!

A few years ago I found about a weird band from the 60's called The Monks. They wore only black, had ropes around their necks, shaved the tops of their heads like some monks do (did?), and played particulary crazed tunes. I never could find any of their music, but recently I found The Monks Official Website, which has a biography of the band, reviews, photos, and a few songs available for download (unfortunately in RealAudio format). Strange stuff.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

And how was your evening?

I've felt very leaden over the past month or so. At times all I want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV, the problem is there's nothing on TV. I have a satellite dish and get around 100 channels, but there's little on that I actually want to see.

Last night I found myself stretched out on the couch like a zombie, mindlessly flipping through the channels. And there was nothing but garbage on: home improvement stuff, sports dreck, shopping channels, stuff I've already seen, etc.

There's ten or so religious channels, most of which are fundamentalist ranting of the sort I was raised with and am quite sick of. I zipped through those channels quickly. I paused on the Mormon channel for a bit, but didn't have the slightest idea what they were talking about. Then I hit a Catholic channel with an elderly nun doing Hail Marys or whatever (I'm not Catholic) to a room filled with younger nuns. As she droned on, the camera would periodically scan the room and show the faces of the younger nuns, but mostly it was frozen on the very old, very dull nun. An attractive younger nun's face briefly appeared on the screen and I perked up a bit. Perhaps a bit too much because I ended up lying there thinking, "Show the nuns! Show the nuns!"

Monday, November 22, 2004

Smashing Boutique

Early last year I came up with an idea for a business where people could go and relieve stress by smashing things. Today I found out that in Spain there's a scrapyard that will, for a fee, let stressed out Spaniards take a sledgehammer to various items.

All my bizarre ideas end up existing. I should come up with something really stupid like edible furniture. [Link via The Presurfer.]

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Found photos. Free pie

Big Happy Funhouse is a photoblog made up entirely of found photos. Weirdly hypnotic.

Breaking wind

Breaking Wind: Legendary Farts collects "folktakes about flatulance". Seriously. My own personal favorite is General Pumpkin.

Strolling down the highway

Time Has Told Me collects a bunch of Nick Drake .mp3's. As far as I can tell, it's mostly covers, but if you like Nick Drake, worth digging into.

What?

Solipsistic is a peculiar assemblage of old photos and Dada randomness. [Link via Monkeyfilter.]

Every working day

Honey, Where You Been So Long is a yet another one of those new fangled .mp3 blogs all the kids have these days. This one features pre-war (as in WWII) blues. [Link via The Leptard.]

Monday, November 15, 2004

Not in my lunchbox

Cock O'lada is "the first drink out of a cocktube." What's a cocktube, you ask? Do you really want to know? (Not safe for work.) [Link via Fleshbot.]

Old cameras

The Yashica Electro 35 & Rangefinder camera user Homepage would've been really useful to me seven or eight years ago. Back then I found a Yashica Electro 35 in a thrift store for $20. It was my first "serious" camera, but the camera was so battered it looked like someone had used it to hammer nails. But it worked. It also had sand in it. I still have it and it still works. They're great cameras.

Legendary Lester

A few days ago I found an old interview with guitar legend Les Paul from 1977.

Odd music

Oddmusic "is for anyone interested in unique, unusual, ethnic, or experimental music and instruments."

My favorite section is the gallery where they list various weird instruments and have sound samples.

Emulators!

EMU-Russia is a site with darn near a gazillion questionably legal old video game ROMs to download and play on your PC in your favorite console emulator. Now I can play Super Mario Brothers again.

Sock blog anyone?

Niqkita's Sock Journal is a blog about socks. Really. Socks.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

A few days off

Since my two year blog anniversary a few days ago, I've been taking some time off from the blog. Since I'm elderly, I need my rest, as does my very elderly blog.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Two Years!

Today's the second anniversary of this blog. I'm surprised it's lasted this long. And I have no idea how much longer it'll last.

Two years is a huge amount of time in the blogging world where blogs typically only last a few months before the owner gets bored. It took me a bit longer to get bored, but I was too stubborn to stop.

If you're curious about what Volume 22 looked like in the early days, here's a link to earliest version at the Wayback Machine. (And, yes, I did post these same two links a few weeks ago.)

Thanks to all of the people who've read, commented on, and linked to this blog over the past two years.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

3-way collision

Yesterday I was in a discount department store and found myself in the toy isle. But on the other side of the isle was pet products, and a little further down, rat poison. Call me crazy, but these three types of items strike me as things that shouldn't be together.

Spanking Machine

Finally, someone has invented a spanking machine: "Robospanker is the world's first robotic spanking machine. Created by DD Machinery, Robospanker is one of the most unique and fasinating adult toys on the market. DD Machinery was founded in 1997, and has for years been the pioneers in the research and development of fine new bondage products." (Needless to say, this site isn't safe for work.) [Link via Fleshbot.]

New Invention

I came up with a new invention this morning: the hovercraft toilet. It's not a hovercraft that has an onboard toilet, it's more of a toilet that's also a hovercraft.

How long have we have had indoor plumbing and flushable toilets? A hundred or more years, right? Well, it's just not that impressive anymore being able to flush stuff away. Going to the toilet is boring. You sit there, do your business for awhile, and eventually you get up and flush it away. How dull. Of course, you can read, but that's still a bit boring as well. No, it just won't do. Going to the toilet needs some excitement. We need the hovercraft toilet. And we need it now more than ever.

Ideally, the unit will be about the size of a rowboat or smaller. Naturally, it will be enclosed for privacy because you can't have people zipping around their yards on a toilet for everyone to see. What would the neighbors think? It will also need safety features such as seat-belt, roll-bars, airbag, headlights, break-lights, turn-signals, rear-view mirrors, and possibly even a parachute.

What I need to do now is draw up some plans and see about getting some investors interested so that we can build a working prototype.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Proto punk aquatic lifeforms

A band I've been curious about for at least ten years are the Electric Eels. They were an obscure early to mid 70's Cleveland proto punk band that were supposed to be unbeliveable. I first read about them in Jon Savage's excellent, England's Dreaming. I never found anything by them, nor did I ever make any huge effort to look.

Anyway, yesterday out of the blue, I decided to look online and found out there's an official Electric Eels site with photos, a history of the band, and even an album for sale. Suddenly they didn't seem so mysterious. They also have .mp3's of "Cyclotron" and "Aggitated". "Cyclotron" is glorious, genuine punk before there was such a thing. "Aggitated" sort of reminds me of a slowed down version of Black Flag's "Wasted" circa 1978. (Oddly, these two songs were released on a 45 in 1978, three years after the Eels had broken up.)

Strange tales

The Anomalist features links to news stories from around the world on various unexplained phenomena, strange discoveries, etc.

Ruins

Modern Ruins Photographic Essays has at least 20 different galleries of different abandoned sites. My own personal favorite is Hospital X, a creepy old hospital that still has lots of old equipment in it. [Link via Metafilter or Monkeyfilter and I don't feel like digging around to find out which.]

Shrunken heads anyone?

Head Hunting: History of the Shuar has pretty much all you'd ever want to know about shrunken heads. Lots of gross pictures, too.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

AARRGGHH!!

OK, that's enough! I'm done with civilization. From here on out I will live my life underground in tunnels I'll burrow in a secluded site in the woods. My life will be like that of a giant mole. I'll have no more truck with your silly above ground laws and your crude sky-god. Do whatever you want, it has no meaning for me anymore.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Get Medieval

I'd liked to have had a interesting or suitably horrifying election day story to regale you with, but the whole experience was rather mundane. I didn't see any Republican and Democratic lawyers challenging anyone's right to vote. There were no arguments. There were no claims of voter fraud or intimidation. Nothing. The only thing out of the ordinary was that I had to stand in line for a lot longer than usual. And since it's unseasonably hot, I got to bake in the mid-morning sun for about 20 minutes.

I vote in an elementary school, and when the line finally moved so that I was actually inside the building, I noticed a full-sized suit of armor standing in a corner. It was holding what appeared to be a real sword that was over a yard long. I couldn't imagine having a suit of armor in my elementary school when I was growing up. We would've destroyed it. And I don't even want to contemplate what some of my classmates would've done with a sword.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Let's get primitive

Prehistoric Music Ireland features a history of prehistoric Irish instruments and they also sell several types of reproductions. [Link via The Presurfer.]

Foiled again

Yesterday at Metafilter I saw a post about the old "Trick Donkeys" puzzle. I've had a small cardboard version of this puzzle for eight or nine years and never could figure it out. (I'm a moron.) I finally got it yesterday after an online hint.

There's also a really cool version done in Shockwave.

Free Blues

Saturday I found a nice selection of old blues .mp3's.

Early Recorded Sounds

As far as recorded sound goes, it doesn't get much more primitive than tinfoil.com. They have a wide selection of the earliest known recordings and Edison wax cylinders. They actually have a recording from 1878. It's unintelligible, but still, it's 125 years old!

Old Classic Hindi Songs

Old Classic Hindi Songs has a ridiculously large selection of, yes, old classic Hindi songs in .mp3 format. Many of these recordings are from Indian films.

It takes a worried man

I'm not huge on the Carter Family, but they are an fascinating and very historically important American musical group. If you're interested in sampling their music, The Carter Family, Guitar Chords and Lyrics quite a few .mp3's. [Link via gmtPlus9.]

Sunday, October 31, 2004

I wish I was a mole in the ground

I'll be so glad when this election is over. Unfortunately, if 2000 is anything to go by, this election won't be over for a month or more.

I think we'll look back on the 1996 presidential election as the last normal one we ever had.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Origins of a Blues

Years ago I got into old blues tunes and one of my favorites was Muddy Waters' signature song, "Rollin' Stone", which came out in 1950. A year or two later I heard a song called "Deep Sea Blues" (I can't find the lyrics) done by someone named Tommy McClennan. It was from 1940 and it was basically the same song.

For years I wondered who the hell Tommy McClennan was and who wrote the song. My Muddy Waters album lists Waters as the author. I wondered if McClennan was actually Waters recording under a different name. Waters' real name was McKinley Morganfield. McKinley and McClennan are sort of similar. Kinda. Same guy?

Later, to confuse matters even more, I got a John Lee Hooker CD not that long ago with a song on it called "Catfish Blues", and it's the same song as "Rollin' Stone" and "Deep Sea Blues". The Hooker tune came out around 1950-51. Who wrote this damn song? (And the lyrics site I linked to above attributes it to Jimi Hendrix, who definitely didn't write it.

Well, yesterday I finally found an article on the song. The story ends up being far more complicated than I imagined.

Burnt Weenie Sandwich

The Zappa Bootleg Page reproduces the cover art of loads of Frank Zappa bootlegs. (I could really do without the Zappa midi music playing in the background though.)

Internet Crime Archives

Internet Crime Archives is a really irritatingly designed page (they even have midi music you can't turn off), but there's plenty of interesting information.

Build Your Own Seismograph

A few months ago I wondered if there was a simple way I could build a seismograph or seisometer to measure earth tremors. I finally did some research online and found out there's plenty of material on making seismographs or seisometers. And this page has loads of links on the subject.

Of course, I'll probably never build one.

Make Room for Dada

I can't remember if I've ever seen the Digital Dada Library before, but it's an amazing collection if you're interested in Dada. [Link via Metafilter.]

Monday, October 25, 2004

Gaaaahhh!!

File under: blog attrocities.

Ick

Groupie Central is a messageboard of supposed groupies telling of sexual encounters with various celebrities. It's... um.... enlightening.

Kiss my bitter ass!

Bitter Waitress is a blog featuring stories of cheap customers and celebrity behavior in restaurants.

Music for an eclectic world

Actual discs! Real tunes! has a oddball collection of .mp3's and Real Audio files. The selection isn't huge, but it's interesting. I recomend the two Burning Spear tracks, the Agrovators cut, and Rev. Robert Wilkins' "Prodigal Son", which was done by the Rolling Stones on Beggar's Banquet.

Open Source Audio

The excellent Internet Archive has a section called Open Source Audio with nearly 3,000 public domain recordings. Lots of old blues stuff.

Public Domain MP3s

Public Domain 4U has three or four dozen public domain .mp3's. It's mainly old country blues stuff like Charlie Patton and Skip James, but there's other things as well.

Question: Why were so many old blues guys named things like Blind So-and-So? Why were all those guys blind?

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Finally

Hey Volume 22 finally made the Wayback Machine. I've been looking for it there for a year or more with no luck.

Search Requests of the Stupid

Yes, one again it's time to clear out the old stupid search request bin.

are there suppose to be a whole bunch of white bumps on my vagina?
Ahhh...ew.

spanking mom OR mother -monkey -brand -new -bdsm site:blogspot.com
If you find that blog, keep it to yourself, OK?

clowns frighten children
I've been saying this for years; why won't anyone listen?

na na nana sitting in the kitchen
Sometimes the internet confuses me.

pichers funny stuff that will make a seven year old light
I know of no humorous stories with anti-gravitational properties that are safe for children. Sorry.

poison dart frog market stats
I know the economy's bad, but I hadn't realized the poison dart frog market was in bad shape as well.

"No more small pee pee "
I'm proud to be the only site Google lists with that phrase.

generate nude men sign cartoon face breast flash
You do it first.

porno in north dakota
It's just like porn everywhere else except there's lots of snow.

Reflexology & goes on a rampage
Sometimes I love the internet.

wanking for fun and profit
Hell, I've been doing it for free all these years.

Internet Explorer grannies who like sex
But I use Firefox.

lyric "na nana na" 90's
The internet makes me sad sometimes.

we got smelly ear's
Well, good for you. Now go away.

naked school teacher pee "in front of class"
Teachers sometime have to resort to extreme measures to get students to pay attention these days.

you are, your ISP , s you are running on, your cover's blown
Sometimes the internet scares me.

Dukes of Hazzard, spanking
Uncle Jesse had to keep order some kind of way and spanking was his best idea.

il.kim porn.
OK, the search results for this just make me look unbalanced.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Groggy

Ugh, people. Why do I often feel so lousy after I wake up? And, no, I'm not hungover. Nor am I ill (at least not physically).

I wish I had a sort of temporary oblivion chamber. It'd be someplace where I could just shut myself off for a long period of time. I'd probably have to be sedated and maybe have an oxygen mask. I imagine I would also need to be fed intravenously and I would have to have a [shudder] catheter so I could get rid of wastes.

Well, it sounded like a good idea until the catheter bit. I don't want to get one of those.

Maybe I just need a good night's sleep.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Detail, horrible detail!

The Zoomquilt is an amazing work of collaborative art done in Flash. [Link via The Cartoonist.]

It's pretty amazing. Things come to mind like Escher, Dali, and The Exquisite Corpse, but those aren't adequate comparisons.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Altered books, etc.

A couple of days ago in my comments for the A Humament post, Cindy mentioned book altering, a subject I didn't know that much about. Surprisingly, there's quite a bit online about it. I'm not sure I like the idea of tons of people ruining books, but it's a fascinating subject and I do like a lot of the examples I've seen.

Art-E-Zine's Altered Books page is probably the best showing of what books look like once they've been altered. It's a graphics heavy site, so be warned.

Who would've known there's an International Society of Altered Book Artists?

Jenny's Altered Books has several galleries of her work, whoever she is. Nice stuff.

The Altered Book Main Page has galleries, tips, links, etc.

Apparently some people mail the books and let others work on them along some kind of altered book network. That, naturally, reminds me of Mail Art.

The Electronic Museum of Mail Art is probably as good as any place to start to see actual Mail Art.

MAIL ART 1955 to 1995: Democratic art as social sculpture is someone's thesis.

Fan Mail appears to be new works from over 150 artists.

A.1.Mail Art Archive is a new blog I ran across recently.

Mail Art sprang out of Fluxus. I've never really understood Fluxus, but then I don't think I've ever seriously tried to understand it.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

More Randomness

The Icon Poet Creative Writing Toy takes a text you provide and replaces words with random syntactic equivalents. It sort of reminds me of the Oulipo's N+7 technique.

But is it a story?

Random Story Generator creates something vaguely resembling a story when you click a button.

Writing Machine

For many years I've dreamed of a writing machine that would spew out reams of interesting, uncanny prose; the Markov Textgenerator isn't quite it.

International Insults

Years ago in a thrift store I found a book called, The International Insult Dictionary. This book is apparently so out of print that I can't even find a mention of it online, but The Zompist Phrasebook is basically the same idea.

Example:
There's a corpse on the bed. Please change the sheets.
Il y a un cadavre sur le lit. S'il vous plaît, faites changer les draps.
Hay un muerto en mi cama. Por favor, cambie las sábanas.
Da liegt eine Leiche auf dem Bett. Bitte wechseln sie die Laken.

Linguistic Stuff

The sci.lang FAQ is interesting. OK, it's not. Nevermind.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Saturday, October 09, 2004

A Human Document

In 1980, British artist Tom Phillips published a book called, A Humument. So what, you say? Loads of people you've never heard of publish books you'll never read. Well, what makes it interesting is that Phillips took an obscure Victorian novel and painted over each page so that only a few words showed through, effectively finding a new narrative in an old book.

I've wanted a copy of this volume since I first read about it in the late 80's, but it appears to be both out of print and very expensive. I'll probably never get a copy, but it looks like Phillips' website reproduces the entire volume.

Subvertisements

Subvertise.org has many examples of subverted advertising, art, polical images, etc.

The Culture Jammer's Encyclopedia

The Culture Jammer's Encyclopedia has pages on Literary Forgeries, Fake Folks, Vandilism, Guerrilla Hacks, etc.

Hmmm...

there is a season: detourn detourn detourn.

Proof of mass stupidity

Dogpile's SearchSpy let's you view a real-time scrolling list of whatever people have been searching for. You can chose between a filtered or unfiltered version.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Blah

I'm having a blah day. Earlier I went for a walk and took some pictures and posted them at my moblog. Maybe I'll think of something to post here tomorrow. Or not. I don't know.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Collaborative Fiction

Ever feel like writing a novel or long story, but didn't feel like going through the trouble to actually write it? No? That's just me? OK. Anyway, Snoot's collaborative fiction page lets you write, and vote on, candidates to add to a continuing story.

They also have a binary fiction page where you can chose between different options at various points to change the direction of the story. And aparently you can add to these stories as well.

Porn How-To

Ever look at porn sites and marvel at the web design? No, me neither, but just play along. At Graphix & Web Design Zone "you can find all the information you need to be a successful, innovative designer for todays fast moving Adult Design Arena." They have tutorials, free graphics, and god only knows what else. (Oh, in case you were wondering, it's not safe for work because it's, you know, porn.)

Germans

I found this a couple of days ago. Is it Germans into cosplay or just Germans being...um, German.

A Legal Conundrum

It's against the law to take illegal drugs, and it's against the law to steal, but is it against the law to steal illegal drugs?

New Invention

I've got an idea for a new invention: disposable toilets. Now before you dismiss this idea as stupid, hear me out. The disposable toilet wouldn't require cleaning; you'd use it once and throw it away. It'd be constructed similarly to paper cups: wax-coated paper or cardboard. I can imagine a dispenser filled with them in every bathroom in the world.

OK, now you can dismiss this idea as stupid.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Songwritin' the easy way!

Use Greg's Country & Western Song-Writing Machine and you'll be playing at the Grand Ole Opry in no time. Maybe not.

Here's my song, called "I Wanna Whip Your Cow"

I met her in the Stone Age wrestlin' gators;
I can still recall that plastic nose she wore;
She was smellin' kind of funny when she shot me,
and I knew that I would upchuck on the floor;
A Klingon said I'd stay a dwarf forever;
She said to me that Rolaids made her high;
But who'd have thought she'd bobsled with a robot;
She freaked out on the lawn and screamed goodbye.

Useful or useless?

Markov Monkey Random Text Generator.

It's wrong, I tells ya!

Ah, the things one finds on the internet. Who knew there was a site devoted to sock monkeys having sex? Needless to say, it's not safe for work.

Useless, but slightly amusing

Like a lot of websites, the page for Sri Lanka's US embasy has a search feature, but this one displays all the particular searches for a particular letter. Like this one for the letter d. Why, I ask, would someone search the Sri Lankan embassy website for dog birthday parties? And why would the actual Sri Lankan embassy in the US use such a cheesy search engine?

Overalls? Chowder?

I was poking around the excellent Project Gutenberg yesterday and found an .mp3 of a recording from 1901 called, "Who Threw the Overalls in Mrs. Murphy's Chowder?" It's not even from a record, it's from a Edison cylinder. Most amusing. Put it on your iPod and astonish your friends. Or not. I don't really care.

Update: Here's the lyrics.

Jazzmaster

See The Higher Evolution of Off-Set Waist Guitars: A Tribute to Fender's Jazzmaster and Jaguar Guitars for way too much information about Jazzmaster and Jaguar guitars. [Link via Guitarz.]

I'm still kicking myself for not getting that used cream colored Jazzmaster I saw hanging in a local guitar store back in the late 80's. A few months later I got my much loathed Rickenbacker 480 for $200. But since I have the musical talent of a narcoleptic baboon, it doesn't really matter at this point.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Ugh, Another One

Eagle Settlement is another Blogger spam blog (for lack of better word), but this one's different from the previous ones I've found. Check out the profile of the person who made it. Scroll down the the bottom of the page and look at the blogs this person (or persons) has, and they're all the same kind of crap.

The Barn Door's Open

Earlier I was out walking and taking pictures (some are up at my moblog). As I walked down the sidewalk, I noticed my pants felt funny. I wondered if my fly was partially unzipped. It wasn't, it was completely unzipped. How long had I been walking around like that? My shirt tails were out, so maybe no one noticed.

Less than five minutes later, my pants felt funny again. I checked my fly and it was completely down again. Apparently Mr. Happy wanted some exercise. I zipped them up. Then I pulled the zipper up again as far as I could get it. Luckily, that was the end of it.

"Is there an Al Koholic here?"

Beautiful Stuff: Ridiculously Large List of Silly Names. [Link via someplace I can't remember. Was it Metafilter?]

I Don't Like Bowling

Geoff Elder's Rocketry: "I'm obsessed with building rockets to launch bowling balls." Well, we all need a purpose in life.

Vintage Book Jacket Art

Livre de poche et hardcover has galleries of lots of 50's science fiction paperbacks. All the text is in French, but the site's easily navigated.

This Is So Wrong

"Hate married people? Tired of engagement news? Still want to sleep with your ex but don't know if he/she is in a new relationship? Breakup News is the place to get the announcements that really matter. Get the skinny on recently ruptured romances." [Link via Monkeyfilter.]

Monday, September 27, 2004

Here's Another One

FredJohnson2169 Blog is another one of those fake blogs designed to boost some questionable site's search engine ranking. This one is identical to FredPeterson8584 Blog that I mentioned a few days ago.

Are these generated by some program? How many of these obnoxious fake blogs are they?

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Grandma

This morning I was talking to my maternal grandmother and she said that last night she dreamed my father was wearing a long, floral pattern dress. He told her only wore it around the house.

Minor Irritants

Haloscan's been acting a little flaky and not showing the correct number of comments.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Blah Blah Blah

Things have been dull around the old homestead the past few weeks. Since there's nothing going on, I haven't been writing much here, just posting a series of increasing lame links.

I have been posting photos again at my moblog. I posted some geese photos today I took a few days ago and yesterday I posted some shots I took when I went up to Richmond with my parents to see my sister. It's mainly dark shots of her disturbed cat, but there is one of an alligator.

And I've been posting stuff every other day to my new beverage review blog, Watch it Fizz, which is astonishingly pointless, but oddly enjoyable. Eventually this blog will only be updated once or twice a week because I don't want to go bankrupt and burn out my liver at the same time.

Weird New Jersey

Weird NJ: Your travel guide to New Jersey's local legends and best kept secrets.

Root Beer Fanatic

anthony's ROOT BEER barrel has reviews of at least 270 different varieties of root beer.

Scientology and Celebrities

The scientology celebrities FAQ supposedly lists all the celebrities who've ever been involved with Scientology.

More Uses and Abuses for Blogs

A few weeks ago I linked to a blog that was nothing but endless links to the same site. Shortly afterwards that blog disappeared. I have no idea if my linking to it had anything to do with its disappearance.

Yesterday, while playing with the Next Blog button at the top of most Blogger pages, I found LarryJohnson5731 Blog. It didn't look right. Every post had something to do with grannies. And none of it made any sense. At the bottom of each post was an identical link, which naturally, was for a porn site.

I hit the Next Blog button again and found FredPeterson8584 Blog. This one looked exactly like the previous blog, but this one delt with panic attack. Every post was a portion of something about panic attack. The links don't appear in every post, but are all for the same panic disorder site.

Are these two blogs done by the same person?

English Idioms

English Idioms - Sayings and Slang is a very extensive resource. Useful for when you want to look up the meanings of things like, "all wet" or "an axe to grind".

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Textual Instruments

Regime Change: A Textual Instrument: "Textual instruments make text playable in a new way. At first, as one encounters their workings, they are toys for exploring language — more flexible than link-node hypertext, more responsive than batch-mode natural language generators. With growing experience, these instruments can also become tools for textual performance."

Post-Postmodernism

I don't even know how to describe Brad McCormick's Post-Postmodernist Web Page?

The Notion of Authorship

Authorship and plagiarism: "Can anybody own an idea?"

The Racial Slur Database

The Racial Slur Database is (at least to me) surprisingly long. Or perhaps I should say depressingly long.

Friday, September 17, 2004

My Laptop, My Life

As if we need more reasons to back up the data on computers, here's another.

The Artist's Statement

Humiliated, Angry, Ashamed, Brown: A disturbing account of a photography student's run in with the police and Homeland Security. [Link via Grow A Brain.]

OK, Now I'm Scared

For the woman who has everything, except protruding nipples, there's Bodyperks Nipple Enhancers. No fair, I say.

Very Useful

It's annoyed me and I'm sure it's annoyed you, but now there's a solution, for I've found a site that shows How To Draw The Nipples Back On Victoria's Secret Catalogue Models Using Adobe Photoshop.

Miss Information

Miss Information is a blog about "The desperate life of a tormented library clerk."

Celebrity Death Sites

Celebrity Death Sites: "A list of celebrities, whose deaths were the result of murder or suicide, including the location of their death sites."

Hollywood, Satanism, Scientology and Suicide

Hollywood, Satanism, Scientology and Suicide appears to be an entire book. I read little of it.

No Sharp Objects!

Mr Blowup is pretty freaky. Imagine walking into someone's home and seeing this or this? (Not quite safe for work.) [Link via Fleshbot. ]

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Bad Fads

The Bad Fads Museum: "Browse through the fun and fascinating fashion, collectible, activity and event fads of the last 100 years."

(And I usually hate splash screens on websites, but I don't mind Bad Fads' splash screen.)

Soda Museum

Soda Museum: "Welcome to the largest online source for authentic Soda related items for sale in the world."

Google Blogoscoped

Google Blogoscoped is a blog entirely about Google.

Old Wives' Tales

Old Wives' Tales: "Thrown salt over the shoulder? Got up 'on the wrong side of bed'? Slept with a piece of wedding cake under the pillow? Cross the street to avoid a black cat? Have blue blankets if a male child or pink because you were female? Found a penny, picked it up for good luck? Curious about superstitions, old wives' tales, and similar folklore trivia or sayings?"

In The Hat

In The Hat is a blog about gangs, crime, cops and politics in Los Angeles: "I welcome news and abuse from neighborhoods, cops and interested parties. All correspondence remains anonymous."

North Korea

NKZone is blog that's devoted entirely to North Korea. The explanation in the side bar reads, "This is a 'blog-zone' on North Korea: an interactive site that helps you stay informed and also helps you share what YOU know about North Korea with other people around the world. Have you been to North Korea? Do you know people who have? Do you have information and insights about North Korea that you'd like to share?"

The Soda Can Library

If you ever wanted to see a whole lot of vintage soft drink cans, then The Soda Can Library is right up your alley. If you don't have any interest in vintage soft drink cans, then it's probably not going to interest you in the least. Sorry.

Tired

I"m going to try and post something today, I swear. I've got a few interesting links, but I don't have the energy to post them right now. Meanwhile, have a look at my new blog where I review soft drinks. (Stop laughing!)

Friday, September 10, 2004

Creative Commons Search Engine

Creative Commons search engine: "Full copyright applies to most stuff on the web. But this search helps you find photos, music, text, and other works whose authors want you to re-use it for some uses -- without having to pay or ask permission." [Link via Wiremine.]

Great!

Now Haloscan's on the fritz, and that's something I'm actually paying for. It would be nice to have everything working together for once.

Musical Plagiarism

"Ever notice a song whose melody sounds remarkably similar to some other song?" Then have a look at a list of Similar-Sounding Songs. There's even .mp3's to compare for yourself.

Similar to the above is Disturbingly Similar Songs, which also has .mp3's.

I love Led Zepplin, but they weren't quite original. Have a look at "A list of some of the songs Zep stole from other artists". And a far more detailed look at Zepplin's "borrowing" can be found at Led Zepplin's Influences.

"Oasis has often been acused of plagerism and Noel has never denied his tendency of lending material made by others, but he do not see it as a problem. Plagerism is more like a part of the Oasis style and sound."

The Copyright Website: "These are the sonic outlaws; people who have pushed the audio envelope, allegedly encroached upon another's copyright, and sometimes paid the price."

Over at Illegal Art you can read about, and listen to, Copyright and Music: A History Told in MP3's.

And if you've read this far, you might be interested in Columbia Law School's Music Plagiarism Project.

Since this whole post was about music plagiarism, I should probably admit that I shamelessly stole all the above links from Die Songähnlichkeitsliste, which also features a very long list of similar-sounding songs.

Huh?

What the hell language is this?

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Templates

Yep, I went and changed my template again. The other one, as boring as it was, was just fine, but it seemed a little faint. This one isn't faint.

In the past I've complained about dark background/light text layouts, but this one doesn't seem quite so bad. Any thoughts? Maybe I should put it up to a vote: Do you like this template or the previous one?

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

The Fugitive, pt. IV

This afternoon I got back my reply from the state police. It's official, I have no criminal record. The database of the company my temp agency uses to check the criminal background of their prospective employees is obviously corrupt.

Problems, Problems

I've been trying to get the previous post to appear since last night, but Blogger kept choking. The Blogger Status page explained what was going wrong.

Now if I can just figure out what the hell's going on at Textamerica. Hours ago I posted three photos I took this morning and they've yet to appear on my moblog.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Inventor of the Leslie Cabinet

I put up several Leslie links yesterday, and I just found out that Donald Leslie, the inventor of the Leslie cabinet, died last Thursday at 93.

And while I'm here posting, have a look at Unearthing the Mysteries of the Leslie Cabinet. I forgot to post this one yesterday.

OK, enough.

Monday, September 06, 2004

More Leslie Cabinet Stuff

Several days ago I linked to a site showing how to build a Leslie cabinet. Yesterday I found another one.

Something similar to a Leslie's innards can be seen at Inside the Fender Vibratone.

If you're curious about Leslie simulators have a look at the Leslie simulator roundup.

Interested in homebrew effects projects? I found a bunch of scans of late 60's Popular Electronics articles on effects, amps, and speakers.

I don't know why this stuff fascinates me. I'm a lousy musician and my guitar never gets played. I pawned my little amp years ago and never bothered to get it back. Maybe it's just fun to pretend.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Old

Ah, there's no joke like an old joke.

Mail Order Penis Enlargement!

Since I can't think of anything clever to write about today, nor can I scrape together several peculiar links, I'm just going to reproduce an email my sister sent me. I doubt she wrote it.

Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 3 to 6 weeks you will have received well over 50,000 inches of penis, all yours. This program has remained successful because of the inadequacy and vanity of the participants. Please continue its success by carefully adhering to the instructions.

Welcome to the world of Mail Order Penis Enlargement! This little business is a little different than most cosmetic surgery. Your product is not solid (sic) and tangible, but rather a service. You are in the business of extending penii. Many small of endowment are happy to pay big bucks for this service.

(The money made from the penis enlargement is secondary to the income which is made from people like yourself requesting that they be included in that list.)

  • Immediately cut off your penis at the base.
  • Cut off the head of your penis, and pack it in ice.
  • Take the remaining midsection of your penis, and cut it into 5 pieces of equal length.
  • Immediately mail each piece to the first 5 names listed below starting at number 1 through number 5. Send penis only please (total investment your penis). Enclose a note with each piece stating: "Please add my name to your mailing list." (This is a legitimate service that you are requesting and you are paying your penis for this service).
  • Remove the name that appears number 1 on the list. Move the other 9 names up one position. (Number 2 will become number 1 and number 3 will become number 2, etc.) Place your name, address and zip code in the number 10 position.
  • Post the new letter with your name in the number 10 position into 10 (Ten) separate bulletin boards in the message base or to the file section, call the file, MAKE.PENIS.FAST.
  • Within 60 days you will receive over 50,000 inches of PENIS. Keep a copy of this file for yourself so that you can use it again and again whenever you need penis enlargement. As soon as you mail out these letters you are automatically in the mail order business and people are sending you their penis to be placed on your mailing list. This list can then be rented to a reconstructive cosmetic surgeon that can be found in the Yellow Pages for additional income on a regular basis. The list will become more valuable as it grows in size. This is a service. This is perfectly legal. If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18, Sec. 1302 & 1341 of the postal lottery laws.


NOTE: Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent to you, either on computer or hard copy, but do not discard the names and notes they send you. This is PROOF that you are truly providing a service and should the AMA, FDA, or some other Government Agency question you, you can provide them with this proof!

Remember as each post is downloaded and the instructions carefully followed, five members will be reimbursed for their participation as a Penis Enlarger with one inch of penis each. Your name will move up the list geometrically so that when your name reaches the number five position you will be receiving thousands of inches in penis.

  • Daniel J. Karnes, 6394-B Tawney Bloom Mogi Donuts, MD 21045
  • Newt Gingrich, Speaker of the House of Misrepresentatives, Washington, DC 20515
  • Emil T. Chuck 6394-A Tawney Bloom, Mogi Donuts, MD 21045
  • Charles Brown 7690 Karnesville Road, Phobic, MI 48348
  • William Davenant 8295 Hiding Closet Rd, Clarkston, MI 48348
  • Peter Ruckman 14805 Rivercrest, Sterling Hts., MI 48312
  • Steven Crisp 3718 Kings Point, Troy, MI 48083
  • Mark Gengler 5748 Patterson, Troy, MI 48098
  • Pat Robertson 666 God's Little Homophobe Road, Anti-Christ Hills, VA 48307
  • Jesse Helms 20840 Tobacco Mercenary Street, Lung Cancer Hacks., VA 48038

Dear Friend,

My name is Daniel J. Karnes. In September 1988 my life was repressed and the bible thumpers were hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was never laid and my mental disability checks had run out. The only escape I had from the pressure of failure was my Apple computer and my bible. I longed to turn my fixation into my vocation.

This January 1989 my family and I went on a ten day cruise to the tropics. I bought a Double-Wide Trailer with CASH in Feburary 1989. I am currently building a Self-Worship Temple on the West Coast of Florida, with a private S/M Dungeon with room for all of my closeted friends, and a beautiful view of the bay from my women's shoes closet and wardrobe. I will never be underendowed again. Today I am equipped! I have over 400,000 inches of penis (33,333 feet and 4 inches! ) to date and will become a million-incher within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same. This penis enlargement making program works perfectly every time, 100% of the time. I have NEVER failed to earn 50,000 inches or more whenever I wanted. Best of all you never have to leave home except to go to your mailbox or reconstructive surgeon.

In October 1988, I received a letter in the mail telling me how I could earn 50,000 inches of penis or more whenever I wanted. I was naturally very skeptical and threw the letter on the desk next to my computer. It's funny though, when you are desparately underendowed, backed into a corner, your mind does crazy things. I spent a frustating day looking through the want ads for a wife who didn't need sexual fulfillment. The pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to unwind by booting up my Apple computer and calling several gay bulletin boards. I read several of the message posts and then glanced at the letter next to the computer. All at once it came to me, I now had the key to my dreams.

I realized that with the power of the computer I could expand and enhance this penis making formula into the most unbelievable penis enlargement generator that has ever been created. I substituted the computer bulletion boards in place of the post office and electronically did by computer what others were doing 100% by mail. Now only a few letters are mailed manually. Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded to other bulletin boards throughout the world. If you believe that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have waited for all your life, simply follow the easy instructions below. Your dreams will come true.

Sincerely yours,

Daniel J. Karnes

About six months ago I received the enclosed post in letter form. I ignored it. I received about five more of the same letter withn the next two weeks. I ignored them also. Of course, I was tempted to follow through and dreamed of making thousands of inches, but I was convinced it was just another gimmick and could not possibly work. I was wrong! About three weeks later I saw this same letter posted on a local bulletion board in Montreal. I liked the idea of giving it a try with my computer. I didn't expect much because I figured, if other people were as skeptical as I, they wouldn't be too quick to part with their penis. But, I buy lottery tickets weekly in my province and have nothing to show for it but ticket stubs. This week I decided to look at this as my weekly lottery purchase. I addressed the envelopes and mailed out one piece of my penis in each as directed. Two weeks went by and I didn't recieve anything in the mail. The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what happened! I can't say I received 50,000 inches, but it was definitely well over 35,000! For the first time in all my years, I was adequately endowed. It was great. Of course, it didn't take me long to feel inadequate again so I am using this excellent penis enlargement opportunity once again. Follow the instructions and get ready to enjoy.

Please send a copy of this letter along with the enclosed letter so together we can convince people who are skeptical that it really works!

Good Luck,

Charles R. Smith
St Agathe Que.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

A New One

I haven't seen this before. Reminds me of wiki spam, but they're using their own blog.

Update 9/5/04: I'm getting a 404 message on the above link now. I guess Blogger kicked them off.

I Can't Find Anything

I have a favorites list longer than my arm. (Actually it's a bookmarks list since I'm using Firefox, but it's the same thing.) I can't find anything on it because there's no explanations of what anything is. I have a few things grouped in folders, but the majority of it is just one long, jabbering mess. I thought I'd figured out a solution when I decided in early July to do a bookmarks blog using the spiffy BlogThis! tool to quickly post to it as I browsed. This worked great until I'd try to find something. Since Blogger has no categories, if I want to find something, I basically have to scroll through an entire month of posts. Fun. To make searching easier, I put a Google search tool at the bottom of the page fairly early on, but it's practically useless. I'd say 2/3's of the time Google comes up empty-handed. So the bookmarks blog just doesn't work. I have two months of entries in no particular order that I can't even search with any sense of confidence that I'll be able to find whatever it is I'm looking for.

When looking for a solution to this problem, I downloaded a couple of different favorites/bookmarks organizers in hopes that I'd find something easy and quick that would allow me to actually be able to find what I'm looking for when I want to find it. None of the organizer programs looked like they'd solve my problem. But I didn't really want a program that would organize my bookmarks. I love the idea of my bookmarks blog because my bookmarks would be online so I could easily access them no matter where I was browsing.

A few days ago I stumbled across del.icio.us again. I'd seen this before, but had forgotten about it. I signed up yesterday and started playing around with it. Interestingly, it's pretty much the same thing as my Blogger bookmarks blog, except it has categories. It also may be quicker than using BlogThis! with Blogger. I'm sold.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Watch It Fizz

Recently I found out a local grocery store was now stocking Mexican softdrinks, so I've been trying things like Barralitos sangria, Jarritos tamarind, and Senorial sangria. All interesting, but I think I could happily live without tamarind in my life. Anyway, I was poking around online, as I'm prone to do in times of great boredom, and found Peculiar Pops, which reviews at least one of the softdrinks I mentioned, plus a whole bunch of other ones, many I've never even heard of.

Update: I started a new blog called Watch it Fizz where I review oddball soft drinks.

Things That Go Boom

Modern Firearms & Ammunition is a Russian online encyclopedia of firearms and ammunition of the 20th and 21st centuries. And, lucky for you, it's in English.

Mysterious Innards

For many years I've wondered what's inside of a Leslie cabinet. (And if you don't know what a Leslie cabinet is, you can stop reading now and go to the next pointless entry.) I've even looked online, but without luck. But finally I've found what I was looking for on a page about building a Leslie cabinet. So now the mystery's been solved. On to Bigfoot!

Who Would've Thought?

Everyone and their grandma has a blog these days, even Lizardman.

Mistranslations

Marketing Translation Mistakes: "Also, take these with a grain of salt...They may be contrived and not true, or if true, unrecognizably transformed."

Saturday, August 28, 2004

More Colon News

A few weeks ago I posted something about some kind of colon cleansing kit and I quoted something about John Wayne having 40 pounds of crud in is his colon when he died. Well, big surprise, it's nonsense. There's a piece on it at Snopes.

In other news, there's a Bowel Cleanse, Intestinal Cleanse Support Forum. Support forum?

Friday, August 27, 2004

The Fugitive, pt. III

If anyone has any interest at all in what's going on with the whole criminal records mix up thing (and I doubt anyone is), I mailed in my form to the state police today and now I get to wait. I also went and talked to someone at legal aid and I got an appointment to talk to a lawyer for Sept. 13.

Exciting, no? No.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

The Fugative, pt. II

So I went to the police station. I'd never been in a police station in my life. I guess I was expecting something a little crazier, a little more like NYPD Blue, but it was far more bureaucratic. The whole time I was there I saw exactly one policeman in uniform. There were few people there at all. I didn't even see the jail.

Anyway, what I have to do to prove I'm not a dangerous criminal is fill out a form, get a notary to sign it (luckily two relatives who live close by are notaries), and then send it with either a certified check or money order to the Virginia State Police. Then I get to wait. Yippee!

Respect Your Elders

Here's a couple of quotes from an email I got from my sister yesterday: "I was out last week at a club listening to really loud music and playing pool with these slightly underaged goth boys and one of them said (very earnestly, like it was something really profound) that I was an 'elder goth'. I don't know whether I was more insulted by the 'elder' or the 'goth'. He said it like it was some term of respect, the dink. I don't want it attached to me, respectfully or not. I mean, can't I go out in thrift store Catholic schoolgirl skirts and combat boots without being called something retarded? Huh? Grrrr!" And then, "Maybe I like wearing Catholic schoolgirl skirts and combat boots. I refuse to get giant pants with the ass-crack showing and pink T-shirts 3 sizes too small with the words 'Porn Star' across the front. I'd rather be mistaken for a goth than a hoochie mama any day."

Mayberry

Last night I dreamed I was watching one of the early 60's episodes of the Andy Griffith Show and Frank Zappa was in it. He had short hair and no moustache. I don't remember much else.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

The Fugitive

It doesn't pay to get out of bed. Ever. I've come to the conclusion that I'm cursed. Things happen to me that simply don't happen to other people. Remember back in December when I bought that computer online and they sent me a scooter instead? How many times has that happened to you or anyone you know? Never, right? Well, yesterday was another scooter day.

Since I'm an unemployed bum, I gave in to desperation and went to a local temp agency. I was tested to see what marketable skills I had, etc. Later, the woman interviewing me said, "We were doing the routine state-wide criminal background check and something came up." My mind started going over every possible thing that could turn up in a criminal background check and I couldn't think of anything. I've never even had a parking ticket. She then told me that someone with my name and Social Security Number had been convicted in 1997 of aggravated sexual battery and forcible sodomy. Oh, joy. And the woman wouldn't even give me a copy of the damn criminal record. "We have to pay for this service," she said. I did manage to get her to at least write down a few details about the charges.

So now I have to go to the police department and have them check my non-existent criminal background to prove I'm not this convicted sexual batterer and forcible sodomizer. Once again I'm going to be penalized for someone else's screw-up. Did someone just mess up the records, or have I been the victim of identity theft? My guess was messed up records.

I did some searching online last night for services that would do criminal background checks. There's plenty of them, but the overwhelming majority are charging money. They're searching public records, so there should be some free services out there. I did find one that would do free searches on offenders. I managed to track down the guy with my same incredibly common name. I also ran my own Social Security Number and came up empty-handed. So it would appear that the company that the temp agency hires to do these background check screwed up. Can I sue them, I wonder?

You'd think that the fact that the guy's still in prison would be proof enough, or the fact that on the day this guy was convicted I was working at a girl's school (and I have all of my old paycheck stubs), but it's not apparently.

Do any of you know of good free online services that will do criminal background checks?

Monday, August 23, 2004

Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat

Anyone even remotely interested in Bob Dylan should check out "It's Not a House, It's a Home" Page. There's lyrics, album and singles lists, bootlegs, etc.

American Music

A German record collector named Stefan Wirz has put up some very extensive websites that deal with things like old folk and blues. There's the aphabetically arranged American Music, Double Neck Guitars on LP/CD Covers, and Resonator Guitars on LP/CD Covers among other things. Be sure not to overlook the odd (and very long) side-scrolling index at the top of the pages.

Eugenics

Image Archive on the American Eugenics Movement: "We now invite you to experience the unfiltered story of American eugenics – primarily through materials from the Eugenics Record Office at Cold Spring Harbor, which was the center of American eugenics research from 1910-1940. In the Archive you will see numerous reports, articles, charts, and pedigrees that were considered scientific 'facts' in their day. It is important to remind yourself that the vast majority of eugenics work has been completely discredited. In the final analysis, the eugenic description of human life reflected political and social prejudices, rather than scientific facts."

Radios

Sarah's Transistor Radios should give you hours of fascination if you love looking at vintage radios. Of course, if you don't have any interest in looking at vintage radios, then it probably won't hold your interest at all.

Clunky Cameras

I like vintage cameras. I'm particularly fascinated by old Eastern Bloc camera gear because it's so strange and clunky. Communist Cameras, Bruce Feist's Camera Collection, Tiger's Lair, Antique Russian Camera, Comrade Stoisha's Revolutionary Soviet Photography Page, and the excellent Alfred's Camera Page (which I've linked to in the past) are solely, or at least partly, devoted to these wonderfully archaic, oddball cameras.

Trailer Plate Mania!

It's official: the internet has a site for everything. Exhibit A: Michigan Trailer Plates.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Tele-Snaps

From 1947 to 1968, amature photographer John Cura photographed television programs in the UK. The Doctor Who Photonovels are examples of his work. [Link via Metafilter.]

I've linked to the Doctor Who Video and Audio FAQ before, but I think it's relevant to link to it again.

Also relevant is Telesnaps.com and Loose Cannon Productions' Doctor Who fan reconstructions.

More Dead Rock Stars

Last month (on the 29th, I think), I listed several links to lists of dead rock stars and celebrities. Well, I've found a couple more.

The Glam Rock Obituaries is one part of the extensive Glam Rock Files.

And Rock and Roll Heaven "contains artists who had hit records during the classic rock era of 1955 to 1980."

Pop Culture Debris

Pop Culture Debris hasn't been updated in awhile, but there's plenty on the front page to keep you busy if you're into comic books, old movies, animation, etc.

Oxy-Powder

Constipated? Oh, come on, you know you are. Try Oxy-Powder, it's "the same product being used for optimal colon health and oxygen cleansing by the Hollywood stars." Did you say Hollywood stars? I'm sold!

Vinylorphanage

Vinylorphanage is "A safe haven where forgotten and unwanted vinyl record albums find solace". They also feature such things as Album Cover Theme of the Week. They even have .mp3's. It's no Show and Tell Music, but what else is?

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Deflation

Yesterday I was all excited about finding Spadefoot toads, so I sent my sister an email telling her about it. This was her response, "I used to find spadefoot toads all the time in that fecking window. I was excited, but it wore off, especially since I found about a dozen of the things. They don't even jump. They just sort of squirm. I don't even think they're proper toads at all. I just assumed my Little Golden Book of Frogs 'n Such was way outdated since most of those things were printed in the 1950's. Frankly I'm surprised my Little Golden Book of Evolution even exists being as it was printed in a less enlightened time. (But that was before St. Reagan was in office.)" Ah, my sister, such a paragon of sensitivity.

A Milestone, Kinda

According to Site Meter, I passed the 20,000th hit mark sometime this morning. Yay! Of course, half of those were me and a large portion of the rest were misdirected search requests for bizarre porn, but still, 20,000 is a lot.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Frog Trap

I love toads and frogs. The sunken basement window of my office is basically a frog trap. I used to hate it when frogs and toads got in there, but now I like it. Yes, it's annoying when they constantly jump against the window at night while I'm trying to look at porn...I mean, do important online research, but I'm always fascinated by the different types of toads and frogs I find the next day.

I have a few field guides to help me identify them, and there's plenty of online resources, but the odd thing is that I've been finding things that aren't supposed to be in this county. This week I've found two Eastern Spadefood toads. Look at the map of where they're supposed to be in Virginia. Not only are they not supposed to be in Pittsylvania County, they're not supposed to be in any of the counties that border Pittsylvania County either. (Pittsylvania County's on the bottom of the state about halfway across. Here's a Virginia map with all the names on it.) But yet I've found two of them, which makes me think they're probably all over the state, but no one's bothered to find them and identify them. What else am I going to find?

Of course I took some photos of the Spadefoot toads: a side view of number one, a front view of number one, a side view of number two, and a front view of number two. (These are links to my Textamerica moblog, which seems to load very, very slowly at times. And sometimes not at all. Sorry.)

Exciting, no? No.

Walking Around

I went out for a walk today with a camera and made sure I went down to get a decent shot of the bent Dan River sign.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Not Impressed

I'm not impressed with Blogger's new bar at the top of all our blogs. I don't really see the point of it. The search feature's nice (I took my old Atomz search box down in response), but the rest I can do without. Actually, I love BlogThis! and use it all the time, but yesterday (the first day the bar appeared), BlogThis! stopped working properly. Sure, it works just fine on the spiffy new bar (where I don't really need it), but now the BlogThis! Firefox extension doesn't work right and I have to laboriously edit everything. No more convenience. And I can't even log on with the BlogThis! button on the Google toolbar anymore. Lovely. Thanks, Blogger, for giving me more reasons to go to TypePad.

Update: I just went over to Blogger Status a few minutes ago and read the following entry from yesterday, "Changes pushed today broke BloggerAPI 2.0 - we're in the process of working out a fix." Well, I guess that explains it, but I'm still not impressed with the bar. So there.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Please Kill Me

You know what I hate? I hate it when I get a song I hate stuck in my head, but I'm not paying attention, so I end up sort of mentally singing along with the this song I hate. I'll just be sitting there, la-de-da-da, when all of a sudden I realize what I'm doing. Today's song? Peaches and Herb's "Reunited". I hate that song!

Random Name Generator

"Let the Name Generator create you a new name." Or not. My new name was Spicy Maxi Pad Monster.

Female Latex Masks, Anyone?

Maskon.com: "Your one-stop resource for female latex masks on the Internet." Finally! I hate having to hunt all over the damn internet looking for female latex masks. [Link via the not-safe-for-work Fleshbot.]

Baby Chicks

Curious about photos of baby chicks? No? Humor me, please. Compare the wild turkey chicks to the ones I photographed last month.

Big List of Blog Search Engines

Blogger Ari Paparo has compiled the Big List of Blog Search Engines. And it is a big list.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

More Tornado Photos

In my comments earlier, Cindy mentioned a new gallery of tornado damage photos. These are really good. They even have the badly bent Dan River sign and the ripped open warehouse.

In other news, what's left of the hurricane missed us.

It's Official

It was a tornado that hit here on Thurday. At least 5 million dollars in damages so far.

I found a small gallery of storm damage pictures, but it doesn't have the department store, the big Dan River sign, or the warehouse that was torn up.

And the hurricane should be here by 8:00 PM. Whoopie!

Friday, August 13, 2004

Tornado?

We had what was probably a tornado come through town yesterday around 4:30 PM or so. It didn't hit near where I am, but it tore up some stuff in town.

This morning I went out on a rubber-necking tour and saw lots of big trees snapped in two and a heavily damaged grocery store. I put a few bland pictures of the grocery store area up at my practically abandoned photoblog.

Free Clash!

Hey, over at clashcity.com they have a pile of Clash, and Clash-related, .mp3's.

Why, oh, why do I have to be stuck on a dial-up connection? [Link via The Cartoonist.]

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Categories, Please

After doing the blogging thing for well over a year and a half, I've begun to want more from the blogging platform I use. Blogger keeps adding features, but one thing they haven't added that I really want is categories. You've seen them, mainly on Movable Type blogs; a post will have a category such as general, humor, programming, political, or whatever the particular post is about. Having the posts categorized makes it easier to search older posts, such as, if you only wanted to search the political posts. I was hoping there was a way to get categories in Blogger, but all I've turned up is a needlessly complicated workaround that actually requires you to have multiple blogs.

Yesterday I blundered across a blog with categories that appeared to be using Blogger. It wasn't a Blogspot URL, but you can put your Blogger blog on your own server if you want. The template was one of the array of boring ones Blogger trotted out with the relaunch a few months ago. (I don't like any of the Blogger templates, not even the one I use.) I wondered how he did it. Maybe there was a simple way where I'd just have to add a few lines of code. I considered emailing him and begging the secret out of him. Then I looked at his html and saw he was using WordPress, not Blogger. AARRGGHH!! So I can't have categories at all with Blogger.

For the past couple of weeks I've been experimenting with blogging software that I have to install myself on a server. I've managed to successfully install WordPress, which I love, and Nucleus CMS, which I don't love. I failed miserably in my attempt to install pLog. I didn't even try to install Movable Type. I've been wanting to move my blog off Blogger to somewhere where I have more controll for a long time, practically since the beginning. But after messing around with these different blogging programs a bit, I'm beginning to think that it's better to let other, more qualified people deal with the technical side of things. Blogger's done a good job in keeping up with all of my 1,000-plus posts. If I'd been trying to keep track of all of that stuff, and deal with the other problems, I probably would've lost half of it. So, I've come to the conclusion that I need to move the blog to a solid platform with the features I want, and I don't want to have to worry that company's going to disappear overnight. (Why people use off-brand blogging services I'll never know.) I've decided on TypePad is probably my best bet, but I don't know when I'll be making the move.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Blog Glut

Weblogs Compendium lists what I can only hope is all, or at least most, of the sites that offer blogs. It's a long list.

World Sex Records

The online Illustrated Book of Sexual Records will surely be useful in settling strange bar bets. But there's also World Sexual Records and the World Sex Records & Adult Statistics Site. These should keep you busy for awhile. (And I shouldn't have to tell you that these may not be safe for work.)

Gmail Wiki?

There's a Gmail Wiki? Why? [Link via Wiremine.]

Famous Mugshots

"Celebrities and the Infamous Behind Bars."

Monday, August 09, 2004

Worst. Software. Name. Ever.

There's a wiki engine out of Austria called Cuntilla.

Wiki Ruins.

Wikis tend to have an area called a sandbox where people can practice with the wiki formatting syntax particular to that piece of software before they start editing the actual wiki. (About two of you know what the hell I'm talking about. Humor me, please.) What happens to the sandbox of an abandoned wiki? Spam!

Break My Face.

Break My Face features lots of info on obscure punk bands of the late 70's and early 80's. (The site's done by obsessive record collectors.) My own personal favorite is the sad tale of Rock Bottom & the Spys (a band I'd never heard of).

It's Bigfoots, Not Bigfeet.

Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization. Oh, lawdy, I loves me some bigfoot! Lots of info.

Rubber Chickens?

Sex with Rubber Chickens? "Admit it-the presence of a rubber chickens is sexual. Whether you're at a scene party or in a comedy club rubber chickens scream sexual tension!" Um...sure. Why not?

And, of course, see the official site. (I guess it's all safe for work.)

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Bitter Films Official Homepage

Bitter Films Official Homepage: Animated Short Films by Don Hertzfeldt. Great stick figures.

Interesting food to try in Thailand

Interesting food to try in Thailand should probably be renamed, Nauseating food to try in Thailand.

The Poop Report

The Intellectual Appreciation of Poop Humor. If they say so.

The Whores of War

The Whores of War is a blog entirely about mercenaries, especially the private compaies like Dynacorp.

It hasn't been updated in a while.

Mercenaries

I'm not exactly sure what's up with this page. There's lots of information about mercenaries. Including a big page of links.

Iron Man!

I dug through the 45's today at the thrift store. You know, 45 rpm records. Those black round things with a hole in the center that your parents used to listen to music with. Yes, those. Anyway, I found some surprisingly decent things like The Monkees, The Turtles, Led Zepplin, Johnnie Taylor, Sly and the Family Stone, etc. But the best thing was a promo copy of Black Sabbath's "Iron Man". It's mono on one side and stereo on the other. And it only cost 33 cents. Yippee!

Monday, August 02, 2004

Oh, Deer.

This place is practically a zoo. We've got it all: turkeys, frogs, hawks, buzzards, deer, you name it. Yesterday I saw a mother deer and her two spotted offspring strolling around in the backyard eating things. I got my digital camera and took a bunch of shots through a pair of binoculars. Once again, I braced the binoculars on the window rather than going to the trouble of getting out one of my tripods. And, once again, I was surprised that I actually ended up with a couple of decent shots considering how I took them.

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Colon Cleansing Kit Anyone?

Blessed Herbs' Colon Cleansing Kit can "remove large portions of intestinal debris". Lovely. And they also tell us, "Most people have 5-10 pounds of matter stored in their Colon... According to autopsies, John Wayne had 40 lbs and Elvis had 60 lbs". And whatever you do, don't, I repeat, don't click on that link they have to see more photos of the "intestinal debris". I'm not joking.

Now I know what it's like to have the heebie-jeebies.

OneLook Reverse Dictionary

OneLook Reverse Dictionary: "OneLook's reverse dictionary lets you describe a concept and get back a list of words and phrases related to that concept." [Link via The Presurfer.]

Alternative Guitar Tunings.

An article from Guitar Player Online gives multiple examples of strange guitar tunings. Interesting. Although why this interests remains a mystery since I suck at guitar and never take mine out of the case.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Morbid? Me?

I'm feeling a little morbid today, folks, so I'm giving you a selection of dead celebrity and dead rock star links.

The Dead Rock Stars Club

The Dead Rock Stars Club. In my opinion, the ultimate dead rock star page. Hours of fun!

Dead Musicians- who died before age sixty

Dead Musicians- who died before age sixty.

List of drug-related deaths

Wikipedia's List of drug-related deaths of notable people.

The Dead Musician Directory

Fuller Up, The Dead Musician Directory: "A Site About Dead Musicians...and how they got that way"

More Death

Rock Star's Digest: "A Database: birth, death, cause of death, trivia, links"

Premature Death of Rock Stars

According to the site, Premature Death of Rock Stars, the average age dying age of deceased rock stars is 36.9.(Warning: religion!)

Find A Death.

Find A Death features more than you'd ever want to know about how celebrities have died. (Warning: some gross photos.)

Life in Legacy.

Life in Legacy"Remember everyone. The famous, the small, the young, the old. History lives in all of us and those who we remember this week are legends in history." In short, well known people who just died.

Dead or Alive?

Dead or Alive?: "This site tracks whether famous people are still alive or whether they have passed away."