Wednesday, December 31, 2003

New Year's Ick.

Through a long, detailed analysis (which I won't bore you with), I've confirmed that I'm the absolute last person who doesn't do anything on New Year's Eve. And by anything I'm not only referring to going out. No, if you lie like a dead man on your couch while one of those moronic programs with a ball dropping while people count down to the beginning of the New Year, then that counts in my book as actually doing something on New Year's Eve. Of course my definition of doing something isn't so strict that I count such things as breathing or sleeping. I'm referring only to acknowledgement of the New Year's Eve festivities in any way at all. I refuse to bother with it. The New Year will be hear whether I ring it in or not.

I have a recurring fantasy of getting a supersonic jet and traveling west as the New Year lurches across the globe. For a little while at least, I'd succeed in defeating the passage of time.

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Cloak of Invisibility.

I hate it when people recognize me. Today I was walking across the parking lot of the lousy mall in my hometown when I heard someone call my name. Actually it didn't quite happen that way. I was walking across the parking lot of the lousy mall in my hometown when I saw the truck of a guy I used to work with. I pretended I didn't see him, but he called me and I was stuck having to go and talk. It's not that I didn't like the guy, it's that I'm pretty much a misanthrope. I didn't want to talk to anyone. But I digress. Actually this story has no real point, so technically I'm not digressing. Or maybe I'm doing nothing but digressing. Anyway, I couldn't help but notice that the guy I used to work with had a baby with him. He told me he was married and had a kid now. He had also been laid off from our old loathsome place of employment (a large textile manufacturer teetering on the brink of collapse). Usually people are pleased to hear it when someone has a new baby, but whenever I hear about someone having a baby, especially if they don't have a good job or they're unemployed, but I find it depressing because I can't help but imagine what an awful life the baby's in for. Of course I never say anything about it because it's none of my business and it's more a reflection of my mental problems than anything else, I imagine. (See, I told you this rambling post wasn't going anywhere. You're all probably wishing I'd go back on hiatus again, aren't you?)
Now This I Like.

I present to you the Lou Reed Guitar Archive. [Link via The Cartoonist.]
Granting Wishes.

Over the past couple of days I've gotten at least eight hits for people looking for some variant of "nude Barbie". I don't think I've gotten hits for this in the past, so why all of a sudden am I getting an avalanche them now?

What you folks want are Gabrielle de Montmollin's photos. Now go away.

Saturday, December 27, 2003


This is all getting harder and harder to do. I have no computer and virtually no free time on anyone else's computer where people aren't breathing down my neck. I'd love to wipe this month off the calendar.

Friday, December 26, 2003

Going Electric.

I almost forgot to post something for today. I hate to say it, but I really enjoyed my blog vacation; blogging's a surprisingly easy habit to get out of. But on to more important things.

What'd I get for Christmas? Well, not much. I got socks, underwear, cash, some other unimportant junk, and an electric toothbrush. I haven't used an electric toothbrush since I was little. The one we had was shaped like Snoopy and the brushes stuck in the top of his head. So since I'm not used to using an electric toothbrush, it's not exactly a convenient time-saver yet. Actually it's more of a bizarre nuisance. Picture, if you will, a grown man hunched over a sink, drool issuing from his mouth, while he fights to find the on-off switch of a cheap battery-powered toothbrush. And I still haven't grasped the concept of turning the damn thing off before I pull it out of my ravaged mouth.

And, in case you were wondering, I still don't have easy access to a functioning computer.

Sunday, December 21, 2003

A Tiresome Announcement.

I'm basically taking most of the week off. I'm blaming it on the typical holiday chaos, but the real reason is I've been on autopilot this whole month and have been posting quite a bit of crap I'm sure no one wants to read. I'd like to say that I'm going to spend the next four or five blog-free days pondering why I started a blog in the first place so that when I come back on Friday or Saturday all refreshed I'll knock you out with amazing posts, but we all know that won't be happening. Friday's post will probably be a bunch of links or something really lame. I can promise you it won't be a quiz. I hate quizzes.

Friday, December 19, 2003

Much Better.

In an act of pure desperation, I decided to try and see if my computer would start. I took out the Linux drive and put the WIndows 2000 drive back in. The thing wouldn't start at first, I had to hit the reset button half a dozen times, and then it crashed during booting. But eventually it started and it's been running almost OK. I don't know how long it's going to last, the last time I had this drive in it just kept crashing until it wouldn't boot up properly anymore. Anyway, it's running. And I'm not shutting it down either; if I have to leave it for more than an hour, I log it off.

I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

What's That Sound?

As I sat here typing, I began hearing strange sounds in the backyard. It's short and raspy. Sort of like "Ow! Ow!" Except it's not ow, it's more of an animal sound. I don't know what it is. A cat that needs a throat lozenge? A big crazy bird? Do raccoons make vocal noises? I grew up in a semi-rural area, so I should know this. But I don't. At one point is was fairly close to the window near where I'm sitting. I could hear it echoing across the yard. Whatever kind of monster it is, I'll be sure to double-check that I've locked the doors tonight.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003


Today I was watching an old war movie (Men of the Fighting Lady) that used lots of actual combat footage. The movie was about Navy pilots during the Korean War. One shot of real combat footage struck me as so perverse I couldn't imagine it being used in a movie, ever. The shot showed the view a pilot would see as he fired his machine guns at his target, except the target that was shot to hell was a horse-drawn wagon. It was only on screen for a few seconds, but I clearly saw the horse go down. Now I know combatants use horses, donkeys, elephants, and god knows what else to transport weapons, etc., but if such footage existed today of U.S. pilots in Afghanistan or Iraq, would anyone put it in a movie where the pilots were the good guys? I doubt it. And it strikes me as bizarre that they would do it in the mid 50's when the movie I saw today came out. But I'm probably just being naive.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Actual Good News.

I know I said I was taking a couple of days off, but something wondrous has happened. A deliveryman came by this morning and finally took that damn scooter away. So it'll be returned to bowels of heck from whence it came. Good riddance. That's the first piece of genuine good news I've had in a couple of weeks.

Monday, December 15, 2003

A Little Break.

I'm taking the next couple of days off from the blog (or whatever it is) because I'm in the middle of exams.
Beckett Redux.

A couple of days ago I wondered if there were any available recordings of Samuel Beckett's voice. Yesterday I remembered a program called (I think) Beckett Directs Beckett I found while messing around with my parents big satellite dish in the early 90's. I only watched a couple of minutes of it because the L.A. riots had been going on for a day or two and I wanted to watch a raw news feed of looters that was being shot from a helicopter. I figured the Beckett program would be on again, so I watched the live looting. How often do you get to see looting on live TV with no commercial interruptions? Anyway, I never saw the Beckett program again, and I have no idea if it has any footage or recordings of Beckett's voice.

Today I did a search on Beckett Directs Beckett and found this interesting looking site. I haven't explored it that much, but it may have what I'm looking for or at least a link to what I'm looking for.

Sunday, December 14, 2003

My Early Career Plans.

When I was little I loved those 70's redneck car-chase movies. I'd watch anything with guys driving around really fast, jumping their cars over drawbridges, while the cops chased them. I loved these movies so much that I planned on getting a really fast car when I grew up and just driving around really fast while the cops chased me. I have no idea how I planned on getting money and a safe place to sleep. Apparently I didn't get that far into the plan. But despite my poor planning, it seemed like an idyllic life.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Creeping Terror.

I remember when I was little seeing things on TV about killer bees and how they were spreading across the continent. This sort of thing worried me tremendously, because it seemed like there wasn't going to be a solution to the problem. One day we'd just have killer bees swarming around killing people. But it never happened. The killer bees exist, and I suppose they're still spreading, but it's not something I ever hear or read about anymore.

I also used to worry about the spread of fire ants. Those I still hear about occasionally. And they're not that far south of here. So I have that look forward to.

I've never heard a recording of Samuel Beckett's voice. The guy didn't die until 1989, so recordings must exist. But where? I don't even think Ubuweb has any.

Friday, December 12, 2003

Less Than Nothing.

I skipped posting entries two days in a row, which just isn't like me, so I've decided to pull myself together and post a bang up entry the way I used to before my life fell apart. [Long pause.] I think I'll go back to the couch and curl up in a fetal position.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Poor Timing.

This computer stuff couldn't possibly have happened at a worse time. Christmas is week after next, and all the stores are powder-kegs on the brink of massive explosions of holiday-related depravity. Frankly, I don't know what I'm going to do. School ends Friday after next, but regular classes end this Friday. All next week is exams, which means my computer time at school will cut back even farther. What I'm left with is occasional time on this ancient machine.

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

The Earth and All its Inhabitants Must Be Destroyed.

Finally, after almost a week, a large package was awaiting me when I got home from school this morning. But there was a minor problem, my new computer was an electric scooter. Yes, an electric scooter. The morons sent me a scooter. Fuck!

Maybe I should just keep the scooter. I can ride it around town and scream at people. And why stop there? I can drop out of school, ditch the blog, and go live under a bridge. I'll be known as the crazy guy who rides the scooter and screams at people while he flails his arms wildly. Or maybe I'll have a shorter name.

Why do I even try anymore?

Monday, December 08, 2003


I'd planned on a nice, wacky entry for today, but today was especially unwacky. Nothing bad happened or anything like that, it just was deeply unwacky day. As was the day before, and the day before that, etc.

If I don't get my new computer in the next couple of days I feel I may take leave of my senses.

Maybe I should go to the UPS webpage and track the package as it lurches its way across the continental United States. I seem to recall getting a few seconds of pleasure out of this package tracking stuff the last time I bought a computer.

Why can't I just go into store and buy a computer like normal people? Oh, I forgot: I'm not normal. Nevermind.

Sunday, December 07, 2003

Blog Update.

Sorry I haven't posted anything since Thursday, but I haven't had that much time alone with a PC that's connected to the internet. And I've been kind of bummed out, so I haven't felt like posting anything. Not to mention that posting anything with this murderously slow computer is pure torture.
Almost Human.

I can't believe I've been without a decent computer since last Tuesday. This is inhuman. And you'd think that being without a computer for five or more days would cause me to eventually snap back to humanity and realize how I'd been wasting my life in front of a monitor. But, no, I haven't snapped back to humanity. I don't even like humanity, so why would I want to snap back to it. I want circuitry.
Boil Update.

If any of you were wondering what was happening with my boil, here's the latest. First, I'm still not positive it's a boil. Second, it's shrinking. That's it. Sorry, it can't be more exciting. It hasn't grown to frightening proportions, exploded, or done anything really cool or disgusting. Tell you the truth, I'm a little disappointed.
Instant Screenplay. Sort of.

Take any web page and turn it into a screenplay. Web pages with lots of text tend to work best. For instance my blog. [Link via J-Walk.]

Thursday, December 04, 2003

The Gaping Chasm of Boredom.

What the hell did I do before I got internet access? These days I find myself roaming from room to room, a haunted man, like Orson Welles toward the end of Citizen Cane. (Or at least I think there was a scene like that in Citizen Cane; I haven't seen it in fifteen years.)

I suppose I could read. At one time in my life I used to read these things called novels. How long's it been since I read a novel? A couple of years? I'm surrounded by books, but yet I rarely if ever read them anymore.

Yesterday afternoon I found myself lying on the couch watching professional poker. Yes, poker. On TV. I suppose next I'll break down and begin to watch the innumerable home improvement programs that pollute the airwaves. Let's all hope it doesn't come to that.

The demise of my PC is doubly awful because it wasn't just a computer, it was also my stereo. My CD player died a few weeks before last Christmas and I never replaced it, so I've been playing CD's in my PC for the past year. Now the PC doesn't work. So I have to play vinyl and cassettes for the next week or so. Luckily I have a kickass record collection.

Before I sign off, I have a horrible confession to make: This entire entry was composed in Notepad on Windows 3.1. [Sobs uncontrollably and collapses to the floor.]

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

How the Gods Kill

Well, the inevitable has happened, my computer has flaked out to the point where it doesn't boot up at all. My new system won't even be here until sometime next week. So that means the blog posts are really going to get intermittent now. My only convenient options are school computers or my parents' piece of junk. And my parents' computer is on its last legs. Today I turned it on and it started making this high pitched ringing noise. Then I had to run Chkdsk from safe mode to get the thing to boot. I'm guessing the harddrive's going bad. What are the odds of both computers malfunctioning at the same time? Apparently I've angered the computer gods in strange and profound ways.

I thought the Linux installation would last longer than it did. When it went bad, it really went bad. At one point all I had was the command line. There were files on the desktop I really needed to copy onto that drive's fat32 partition, so I spent some quality time this morning typing in stuff like

cp -i *.txt /mnt/windows/

Lovely. Educational.
The Real Legoland.

When you were younger and played with Lego did you ever find yourself acting out pornographic scenes with the little Lego people? No? Me neither, but I think this guy did. (Safe for work? Maybe not.) [Link via *.*.]
More Creepy Dolls.

If you think black and white photos of nude Barbie dolls are art, then Gabrielle de Montmollin is right up your alley. [Link via The Cartoonist.]

I promised myself I wasn't going to write anymore about computers (that is until mine finally dies and I'm reduced to using a 486 running DOS--seriously, I'm not kidding about the 486), but I do want to call attention to what I consider the ultimate killer app for Windows: NoteTab. It's a text editor. Yes, a text editor. If you've never used it the only way I can describe it is that it has tabs like Mozilla. And if you haven't used Mozilla or NoteTab then, in my opinion, you're missing out on everything that makes using a PC great. Tabs are the only thing that separates us from the animals. I can't describe the joy of being able to quickly tab among three or four documents while editing or composing. The trouble is I don't think there's anything quite like NoteTab for Linux. I do most of my writing in NoteTab, especially blog entries. Suddenly having to do them on a (tabless) word processor or on a different (and equally tabless) text editor is like suddenly losing the ability to fly.

Monday, December 01, 2003

A Partial Solution.

I'm pretty sure at this point that there's something wrong with my motherboard and that's what's causing all the problems over the past week. When I put in my old Linux harddrive it did the same thing that it had been dong with Windows, so it's not a messed up Windows installation that's causing my system to not boot properly and crash five or six times a day.

This version of Linux was never the most stable thing to begin with, but now with a motherboard that's freaking out it runs even less stable. I don't think this is going to last that long. You can get away with lots of crashes in Windows without screwing up things too badly, but Linux can get a little pissy if you don't shut it down properly. On the up side, I've been running it all day and I've yet to have it crash and reboot itself or completely lock up (both of which I've experienced with this version of Linux in the past).

So, what am I going to do? Well, I can replace the motherboard and go on my merry way. But that way won't be merry for me. If I get a new motherboard I'll have to practically gut my case, put the new motherboard in, put in the processor, mount the heatsink on the processor, put in the RAM, put in the PCI cards, plug in all the cables and wires, reinstall Windows, reinstall all my applications, restore all my backed up data, find drivers for everything, etc. I just don't have it in me to do all of this right now, so I'm buying a new computer. And this is a lousy time to have to buy a new computer. I'm getting cheapest damn thing I can find.