Archeology

For much needed inspiration, I dug deep into my closet and into my much ignored comic book collection. (My mother never threw mine away.) What I wanted to look at was the ads rather than the comics themselves. And I didn't want to look at just any ads in just any comic books. Nope. I wanted to look at the strangest, sleaziest stuff from the shoddiest of all the comic book companies. Yes, folks, I dug out the Charlton crap.

This first illustration is from a war comic from 1981. That was back when you could actually go in a drugstore and buy comic books. Now you have to go to some snooty comic book store run by nerds and pay way too much money for something that's been elevated from trash to art, but is still trash.

Skinny men and women are unattractive. Take that, skinny people! Get off our beach with your freakishly elongated bodies!



The second illustration is from a war comic from 1964. Skinny people don't despair, you can develop spaceman strength and endurance. Of course you might just end up looking like the freak in that ad, but that's the risk you take. You should've been born beautiful instead of skinny, you skinny bastard.



By 1968, the company that promised you could develop "spaceman strength" was now telling you could make yourself "astronaut tough". I like to think that they changed the ad because they didn't want people thinking that "spaceman strength" somehow referred to alien lifeforms.



All three ads are reproduced in all their blurry, demented glory below. Just click on them. I dare you. Actually, I double-dog dare you. No, on second thought, I don't care.



And I just noticed that the company from the first two ads is in Great Neck, NY. Spaceman strength and a great neck! Bow before me, skinny earth-man!