One of the great things about having a blog is the potential to completly ick out people from all over the world. Of course I don't have the international readership I once did, but I can still ick out a nice selection of the blog-reading populace. OK, I'm exaggerating. I have the potential to ick out about four or five people. Maybe.
Anyway, I had a sort of icky quasi-erotic dream last night. I debated about whether or not I should recount this gross dream, but I've decided it's just too stupid and far too vile to keep to myself.
So what happened in this dream? Brace yourself. I also suggest not eating while you read this. I was giving Roseanne Barr a full body shave. She was naked and extraordinarily shaggy, even more shaggy than I, and I'm practically a sasquatch. I wasn't shaving her naughty bits, I was shaving her back, and sides. Possibly her legs. Mainly I remember dark hair on pale flesh. The odd thing was that I was using a disposable razor rather than one of the cool vintage double-edge razors I've been collecting and using lately. Of course if I'd ended up shaving Roseanne Barr in real life with one of my cool vintage double-edge razors I doubt I'd ever bring myself to use it again, despite the fact that some of the razors I've bought were so hellishly nasty I suspect they were once owned by a zoo and were used to prepare baboons for breeding purposes. But I digress. Actually, I'm not digressing because that was pretty much the whole dream. Well, except I think I was naked too. And we may have been sort of...wrestling.
This reminds me of a dream I had years ago where I was naked in bed with rapper Ice-T. We weren't doing anything, but I was naked. I'm not sure if he was naked or not. It's probably best that I don't know.
Oh, god, why can't I have normal sex dream for once?