Tuesday, February 21, 2006

More fun with Find and Replace

Sometimes jobs will give employees dreary handouts with various rules and regulations printed on them. And sometimes they'll thoughtfully give you these same handouts as easily editable Word docs:

Bathroom Use Policy

Certain employees may be provided with access to bathrooms to assist them in performing their jobs. Bathrooms can be a valuable source of information and research. Use of bathrooms, however, must be tempered with common sense and good judgment. A bathroom can be a potential hazard if misused.

Bathrooms are to be used for Company purposes only. Use of bathrooms for personal purposes is prohibited, unless you own some sort of futuristic trailer-mounted bathroom that you pull behind your vehicle and are enjoying it on your own time, such as during a meal break.

You should not have any expectations of privacy or confidentiality with respect to using bathrooms. The Company has the right to monitor employees whenever they go into a bathroom. You’ll be surprised at where we have cameras.

Employees are strictly prohibited from using bathrooms in connection with any of the following activities:
  • using bathrooms for illegal, fraudulent, or malicious activities;
  • using bathroom equipment for gambling purposes;
  • preparing food;
  • operating any kind of business;
  • making television programs, independent films, or staging theatrical productions;
  • making bonfires, especially if fueled with company toilet paper;
  • hiding in stalls, jumping out, and screaming while a co-worker is using the facilities;
  • breeding barnyard animals; and
  • any form of wrestling, whether professional or Greco-Roman
The Company is not responsible for any bathroom-related psychological traumas suffered while on the job.

If you violate any terms of the Bathroom Use policy as summarized in the Employee Handbook, you will lose your bathroom privileges and will be required to hold it until you get home. Additionally, you will be subject to disciplinary action, up to and including termination of employment and, if appropriate, civil and criminal prosecution, so watch it.


Third shift was mostly quite tedious, but sometimes I did have a little fun.

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