The Fugitive

It doesn't pay to get out of bed. Ever. I've come to the conclusion that I'm cursed. Things happen to me that simply don't happen to other people. Remember back in December when I bought that computer online and they sent me a scooter instead? How many times has that happened to you or anyone you know? Never, right? Well, yesterday was another scooter day.

Since I'm an unemployed bum, I gave in to desperation and went to a local temp agency. I was tested to see what marketable skills I had, etc. Later, the woman interviewing me said, "We were doing the routine state-wide criminal background check and something came up." My mind started going over every possible thing that could turn up in a criminal background check and I couldn't think of anything. I've never even had a parking ticket. She then told me that someone with my name and Social Security Number had been convicted in 1997 of aggravated sexual battery and forcible sodomy. Oh, joy. And the woman wouldn't even give me a copy of the damn criminal record. "We have to pay for this service," she said. I did manage to get her to at least write down a few details about the charges.

So now I have to go to the police department and have them check my non-existent criminal background to prove I'm not this convicted sexual batterer and forcible sodomizer. Once again I'm going to be penalized for someone else's screw-up. Did someone just mess up the records, or have I been the victim of identity theft? My guess was messed up records.

I did some searching online last night for services that would do criminal background checks. There's plenty of them, but the overwhelming majority are charging money. They're searching public records, so there should be some free services out there. I did find one that would do free searches on offenders. I managed to track down the guy with my same incredibly common name. I also ran my own Social Security Number and came up empty-handed. So it would appear that the company that the temp agency hires to do these background check screwed up. Can I sue them, I wonder?

You'd think that the fact that the guy's still in prison would be proof enough, or the fact that on the day this guy was convicted I was working at a girl's school (and I have all of my old paycheck stubs), but it's not apparently.

Do any of you know of good free online services that will do criminal background checks?