Solving the Problem of Day-to-Day Tedium.

I’m finding various ordinary day-to-day tasks increasingly tedious. The best example of a tedious task is taking a shower. I’ve always taken my showers at night, usually around 8:00-9:00. I’m one of these clean freaks who feels like I’m absolutely filthy if I skip one shower, but it just gets harder and harder to get into that shower each night. At first I chalked it up to the cold weather, but recently it’s been fairly warm and I still don’t want take a shower. The whole idea of being naked and soaking wet is just laborious. My solution? Dry cleaning.

There must be some kind of apparatus I can get into that would quickly and clean me without my getting wet. I’d still have to go through the trouble of taking all my clothes off, but at this point I see no way around this barrier. The device would be like a shower, I suppose, but instead of water I’d be sprayed with some chemical that would evaporate quickly. I have no idea what chemical. I probably couldn’t use whatever the dry cleaning industry uses. What other options are there? Rubbing alcohol? Lighter fluid? There must be something.

An alternative to the chemical spray would be a laser that would delicately burn the filth off of me without cooking me alive.

The laser idea is also a potential solution to the insanely dull task of shaving every day.

And I don’t even want to mention the excruciating chore of clipping my fingernails and toenails.