Yeah, yeah, scam, scam, blah, blah... Wait, what did you just say?

I've mentioned in the past how I like scam emails, especially ones with convoluted stories about someone needing help getting millions out of a bank in Nigeria or someplace. (In fact, I used to have a blog about such emails, but I got tired of it.)

Lately I've been collecting these emails for reasons that remain mysterious, but I haven't really been reading them. I just slap them into a Word document and get on with my dull life. Well, I should really read some of these things. Today I got one that ordinarily I wouldn't have bothered to read, but for some reason I read a little of it--and it's completely nuts.

Dear Friend,

How are you? I hope all is well with your family, friends and pets. I hope this urgent mail meets you in a perfect condition. We have no time to waste regarding the information I am about to tell you, it is an urgent and serious matter.

My name is Professor FRANK, senior data analyst here at the CERN institute based here in Geneva (http://public.web.cern.ch/public/) CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, is one of the world's largest and most respected centres for scientific research. Its business is fundamental physics, finding out what the Universe is made of and how it works. You may have seen on the news that, in recent days, our Large Hadron Collider machine has been colliding high-speed beams of energy in order to explore new physics and understand how the universe began. CERN have been adamant that this is safe, however I KNOW THE TRUTH.

The truth is that this experiment that CERN are conducting is extremely dangerous, and could cause global disaster. This experiment has a 95% of causing a black hole, thus swallowing a large area of the planet. The scientists do not want you to know this as they know it will cause panic. However, I can help you.

I am arranging for a number of selected people to be evacuated to a safe location on an island in the South Pacific via aeroplane. You have been selected from random to take part in this evacuation, thus continuing the survival of the human race.

Please, if you are interested, email me back immediately with the following information:

Full name:
Age:
Contact number:
Country:
Email address:

Please send all emails to my private box:>
european_organization_nuclear_research@hotmail.com
Regards, and God bless.
Professor FRANK

Why can't most of my email be this wonderfully insane. I don't ask for much in life, decent food, good porn, a comfy bed, and insane email. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Take that, Mr. Nosey!

This morning I went to a depressing semi-pawnshop and bought a 4GB SD drive for $10. As a lark, I decided to run a free data recovery program on it to see if I could find something interesting.

This data recovery program (called DiskDigger) was able to find loads and loads of images on that SD card. The problem? It was almost nothing but pictures of naked super morbidly obese women and grannies. Yes, grannies. These were all images gleaned from the web, not pictures they had taken themselves. I'd basically bought someone's secret porn stash, and to put it mildly, their tastes in porn differ significantly from mine.

I typed this with a braille keyboard since I had to pull my eyes out and fling them across the room. Sadly, I'll never be able to wash the images of granny porn out of my head.

Now I need to find out if it's possible to clean an SD card with rubbing alcohol without ruining it. I'm almost positive it has residual spooge on it.

Sparkly!!!!111

Supposedly this Text Space thing is used by all the kids with their My Spaces, Facebooks, Yahoos and whatnots. I don't understand the internet and new things frighten me, but I did manage to make a sparkly text with this thing.

It's supposed to be an animated gif, but Blogger seems to have broken it. And it just ain't that funny without the animated sparkly stuff.

I want one

Feel it up

I've been reading about this supposed book of porn for the blind that's been all over the news, "with explicit text and raised pictures of naked men and women", so I had to find these raised images of naked people to judge for myself, seeing as how I'm an expert in the field of porno.

The image included on the link above isn't sexy at all. In fact, it's creepy as hell. What do the other images look like? Surprisingly, they aren't that hard to find online.

Tactile Mind [NSFW!], the name of the book/magazine, has its own blog. But right away I can see that this isn't what the news articles said it was. This isn't a porn magazine being launched, it's an expensive art book. Also, the images (which is what I wanted to see in the first place) are not exactly what I would call arousing, they're more creepy and arty.

I could drone on at length about how the media lazily misrepresents things such as art for shock value and yucks, but I won't because I don't feel like it.

Great post, huh? Glad I'm blogging again? No? Ha-ha.