What about per joint?

The insurance people came to work yesterday, and one of the things handed out was a strange list. On it, body parts were listed by price; so, if you lose a finger, you get $750. But, if you lose two or more fingers, you only get $1,500. Are they penalizing you for losing more than one finger? It should be $750 per finger and toe. Or maybe less for toes, since they aren't quite prehensile. How about $200 a toe? That sounds reasonable. Even the pinkie toe has to be worth something.

A reasoned response to current events

OH MAH GAWD!!! AAAAHHHH!!! WE'RE DOOOOOMMMMMED!!! [Jumps through window.]

Strange scam spam

I know this should go on my old, unused scam spam blog, but I'd rather post it here because I'm funny that way. The bizarre language is a welcome relief from the usual scam spam stuff. All I want from spam is a little entertainment, is that too much to ask?

Madam Grace Wilson,

Here writes Madam Grace Wilson, suffering from cancerous ailment. I am married to Sir David Wilson an Englishman who is dead. My husband was into private practice all his life before his death. Our life together as man and wife lasted for three decades without child. My husband died after a protracted illness. My husband and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals as he had passion for persons who can not help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament.

I can adduce this to the fact that he needed a Child from this relationship, which never came. When my late husband was alive he dposited the sum of 2.45 Million (2.45 Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market with his bank here in UK.Presently, this money is still with the Bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from.

Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to the cancer. With this hard reality that has befallen my family, and me I have decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift which comes from my husbands effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden,physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially.

I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons and I do not want my husband's hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures. I do not want this money to be misused hence the reason for taking this bold decision.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard due to my deteriorating health and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me.I do not want them to know about this development. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank in uk.

I will also issue you a Letter of Authority that will empower you as the original beneficiary of this fund. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated Hope to hear from you as soon as possible through my private email madamgracewilson1@hotmail.com

This week's lackluster blog-post

Yesterday I was in CVS and saw Bill Clinton rubber masks on sale. I didn't notice any Bush masks.

"I graduated from the police academy, not art school!"

I think the above illustration is easily the worst police composite sketch I've ever seen.

Horror of horrors

Earlier today I was installing XP and, before I loaded the display driver, I got to see the horror that is the Windows XP desktop in 4 bit color. Imagine having to use the computer all the time with it looking like that. Sure fire way to cure you of your internet addiction.

Why morons shouldn't be allowed on the internet

I've been known to bid on stuff listed on Ebay. Sometimes I end up bidding on stuff that I don't really want. Almost always I end up winning the auctions of stuff I really don't want but bid on anyway because I'm insane.



The photo above is my latest dumbass Ebay acquisition. It's a Dell PowerEdge 2450 server. You know, one of those things the internet runs on. I don't need one, but for some reason, about a week and a half ago, I became vaguely obsessed with the idea of owning one. So I began looking on Ebay for a cheap, older one. I bid on one, not thinking I'd actually get it. Also, I totally overlooked just how frickin' HUGE a rack-mount server is. It's over a yard long. It's as loud as a vacuum-cleaner. It's ugly. But it runs. In the above photo I have the thing running a Linux live CD and actually got it online and was looking at some jerk's lame blog.

I don't know what I'm going to do with it.

Let this be a lesson! Or something. I don't care.

Huh?

WTF? I have a blog? Since when? 2002? Really? Can I go back to sleep now?

Kaboom

Man, I really hope that Large Hadron Collider blows up the universe when they crank it up on Wednesday. Stupid universe. Enough already.

Leave Tina out of it

Every time I see a mention of hurricane Ike in the news, the first thing I think of is Ike Turner.

Hair

This afternoon at Wal-Mart I saw a little kid with a mohawk. It was growing out quite a bit, but it was still a mohawk. Nothing else about him or his family seemed the least bit out of the ordinary, but I couldn't help but wonder how a little six or seven year old kid ended up with a mohawk.

Sometimes I get bored