Thursday, August 05, 2004
Interesting food to try in Thailand
Interesting food to try in Thailand should probably be renamed, Nauseating food to try in Thailand.
The Whores of War
The Whores of War is a blog entirely about mercenaries, especially the private compaies like Dynacorp.
It hasn't been updated in a while.
It hasn't been updated in a while.
Mercenaries
Iron Man!
I dug through the 45's today at the thrift store. You know, 45 rpm records. Those black round things with a hole in the center that your parents used to listen to music with. Yes, those. Anyway, I found some surprisingly decent things like The Monkees, The Turtles, Led Zepplin, Johnnie Taylor, Sly and the Family Stone, etc. But the best thing was a promo copy of Black Sabbath's "Iron Man". It's mono on one side and stereo on the other. And it only cost 33 cents. Yippee!
Monday, August 02, 2004
Oh, Deer.
This place is practically a zoo. We've got it all: turkeys, frogs, hawks, buzzards, deer, you name it. Yesterday I saw a mother deer and her two spotted offspring strolling around in the backyard eating things. I got my digital camera and took a bunch of shots through a pair of binoculars. Once again, I braced the binoculars on the window rather than going to the trouble of getting out one of my tripods. And, once again, I was surprised that I actually ended up with a couple of decent shots considering how I took them.
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Colon Cleansing Kit Anyone?
Blessed Herbs' Colon Cleansing Kit can "remove large portions of intestinal debris". Lovely. And they also tell us, "Most people have 5-10 pounds of matter stored in their Colon... According to autopsies, John Wayne had 40 lbs and Elvis had 60 lbs". And whatever you do, don't, I repeat, don't click on that link they have to see more photos of the "intestinal debris". I'm not joking.
Now I know what it's like to have the heebie-jeebies.
Now I know what it's like to have the heebie-jeebies.
OneLook Reverse Dictionary
OneLook Reverse Dictionary: "OneLook's reverse dictionary lets you describe a concept and get back a list of words and phrases related to that concept." [Link via The Presurfer.]
Alternative Guitar Tunings.
An article from Guitar Player Online gives multiple examples of strange guitar tunings. Interesting. Although why this interests remains a mystery since I suck at guitar and never take mine out of the case.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Morbid? Me?
I'm feeling a little morbid today, folks, so I'm giving you a selection of dead celebrity and dead rock star links.
The Dead Rock Stars Club
The Dead Rock Stars Club. In my opinion, the ultimate dead rock star page. Hours of fun!
The Dead Musician Directory
Fuller Up, The Dead Musician Directory: "A Site About Dead Musicians...and how they got that way"
Premature Death of Rock Stars
According to the site, Premature Death of Rock Stars, the average age dying age of deceased rock stars is 36.9.(Warning: religion!)
Find A Death.
Find A Death features more than you'd ever want to know about how celebrities have died. (Warning: some gross photos.)
Life in Legacy.
Life in Legacy"Remember everyone. The famous, the small, the young, the old. History lives in all of us and those who we remember this week are legends in history." In short, well known people who just died.
Dead or Alive?
Dead or Alive?: "This site tracks whether famous people are still alive or whether they have passed away."
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Beatle Bootlegs
Gangsters.
I tend to not like modern bands that claim to play ska, they simply don't have a feel for the music. I especially don't like modern bands that claim to mix ska with punk, because these bands tend not to have a feel for either genre. I like my ska older. Either give me some of the original 60's Jamaican stuff or give me the late 70's 2-Tone stuff.
And, speaking of 2-Tone, The Specials in their prime were quite good. [Links shamelessly swiped from the still slightly out of order gmtPlus9.]
And, speaking of 2-Tone, The Specials in their prime were quite good. [Links shamelessly swiped from the still slightly out of order gmtPlus9.]
The Man Who Broke a Thousand Chains
The true story behind the movie, I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang.
Prison Flicks
This morning, out of the blue, I watched the 1932 film, I Am a Fugitive From a Chain Gang. After doing a little searching online to find out something about the true story it was based on, I found a site called Prison Flicks, where they do nothing but review prison movies.
File Under: Socially Irresponsible.
This looks like a updated online version of The Anarchist's Cookbook. Play nice now.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Rube Goldberg Invention Convention
Rube Goldberg Invention Convention: "Rube Goldberg was an artist, inventor, engineer, author and sculptor. He is best known for his comical drawings of crazy contraptions and inventions. His artwork appeared in newspapers throughout the United States from the early 1900's to the 1960's. Today, the term Rube Goldberg is used to signify anything done in an overly compicated or round-about manner." [Link via something I saw yesterday. What was that? I guess I should've written it down or something. I'm so busy lately. And disorganized. I wish I had a robot assistant. Yes, that would be cool.]
The ElectriClerk
The ElectriClerk is a vintage manual typewriter/computer hybrid inspired by similar devices in Terry Gilliam's Brazil. [Link via Metafilter.]
The Who London 1965
The Who London 1965: An account of the band, the clubs, their equipment, etc.
Also, a guy named Mike Moore completely restored a '58 Fender Stratocaster Pete Townsend smashed during a Who gig in '68.
Also, a guy named Mike Moore completely restored a '58 Fender Stratocaster Pete Townsend smashed during a Who gig in '68.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Templates
Why do Blogger sites in Persian (Farsi?) always seem to have different templates than regular Blogger sites? And how can I get access to these templates?
Pulling Satan's Cotton Plug
Pulling Satan's Cotton Plug: "Christian (Baptist) women today can not go into a pharmacy or grocery store without Satan waiving his filthy cotton finger at us and calling for our souls from the shelves. Indeed a trip down the feminine hygiene isle today is more a test of faith than a matter of choice. In fact, there simply is no choice. Any woman who does not use a cotton maxi-pad will burn in the eternal lakes of fire and that is all there is to it. " [Link via my weirdo sister again.]
Website Plagiarism Search.
Copyscape is a search engine designed to track down plagiarised web content. (I've wanted one of these for awhile.) [Link via The Presurfer.]
Whistling Records
The Online Guide to Whistling Records is the type of thing that makes me glad I don't have a broadband connection. Dammit.
Weirdo Music!
Weirdomusic.com features "exotica, lounge, easy listening, outsider music, and more!" Check out the .mp3 and audio stream page; it's stuff like this that really makes me wish I had a frickin' broadband connection. Dammit!
Thursday, July 22, 2004
I Can't Explain.
Pete Townsend's equipment overview features every type of guitar ever played, or smashed, by Mr. Townsend. Unfortunately, the stupid page was down the last time I checked. AARRGGHH!! [Link via Guitarz!.]
Update 07/22/04: The site's still down! AARRGGHH!! I swear it's a real site, you gotta believe me! I've seen it. And it's great, too. Lots of pictures. Really.
Update 07/22/04: The site's still down! AARRGGHH!! I swear it's a real site, you gotta believe me! I've seen it. And it's great, too. Lots of pictures. Really.
Sonic Youth Guitar Tunings
Since you now know all about Sonic Youth's equipment, you might as well know about their tunings as well: The Official Sonic Life Guitar Tunings v1.0.
There's also The Unofficial Sonic Youth Guitar Tunings List.
I guess the fun thing to do would be to compare both of these and look for inconsistancies. Actually, now that I think about it, that wouldn't be that fun at all. Forget I mentioned it.
There's also The Unofficial Sonic Youth Guitar Tunings List.
I guess the fun thing to do would be to compare both of these and look for inconsistancies. Actually, now that I think about it, that wouldn't be that fun at all. Forget I mentioned it.
The Sonic Youth Gear Guide
Curious about virtually every guitar ever used by Sonic Youth? No? Oh, come on! Why not? Anyway, I thought it was interesting.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
I See Dead People.
The recent death of former New York Dolls bassist Arthur Kane makes four members of the Dolls that are dead: Billy Murcia, Johnny Thunders, Jerry Nolan, and Arthur Kane. Which brings me to today's question: What rock band has the most dead members?
At least four people who were either present or former members of the Grateful Dead are dead: Pigpen, Keith Godchaux, Brent Mydland, and Jerry Garcia.
At least four peole who were either present or former members of the Allman Brothers are dead: Duane Allman, Berry Oakley, Lamar Williams, and Allen Woody.
And at least four peole who were either present or former members of Lynyrd Skynryd are dead: Ronnie Van Zandt, Steve Gains, Allen Collins, and Leon Wilkeson.
So there can't possibly be a rock band with more than four dead members, right? Right? Wrong.
There's at least six former memebers of the Byrds that are dead: Gene Clark, Micheal Clarke, Gram Parsons, Clarence White, Kevin Kelley, and Skip Battin. Hell, the Byrds had so many members over its seven or eight year existence, there may be a few other dead members I've overlooked.
So the Byrds win the dead member contest, unless, of course, any of you can think of another rock band with even more dead members.
At least four people who were either present or former members of the Grateful Dead are dead: Pigpen, Keith Godchaux, Brent Mydland, and Jerry Garcia.
At least four peole who were either present or former members of the Allman Brothers are dead: Duane Allman, Berry Oakley, Lamar Williams, and Allen Woody.
And at least four peole who were either present or former members of Lynyrd Skynryd are dead: Ronnie Van Zandt, Steve Gains, Allen Collins, and Leon Wilkeson.
So there can't possibly be a rock band with more than four dead members, right? Right? Wrong.
There's at least six former memebers of the Byrds that are dead: Gene Clark, Micheal Clarke, Gram Parsons, Clarence White, Kevin Kelley, and Skip Battin. Hell, the Byrds had so many members over its seven or eight year existence, there may be a few other dead members I've overlooked.
So the Byrds win the dead member contest, unless, of course, any of you can think of another rock band with even more dead members.
Friday, July 16, 2004
Infrared, Part II.
Yes, more point-and-shoot infrared stuff. Bear with me.
I have two digital cameras, the one I took the shots I posted yesterday is a good snapshot camera and my other one is a glorified webcam that I paid $25 for. (I've seen it on sale for $10.) I decided to see how well the $25 piece of junk took infrared photos. The results surprised me. Even though the images produced by this camera are small, pixelated, and somewhat distorted, they ended up coming out far better than the pictures taken by the more expensive camera: 1, 2, 3, 4.
Later, I found out how to make a infrared filter using two layers of exposed color print film. I decided to test this new filter against my earlier one. I can't decide which I like better: 1, 2, 3, 4.
This morning I decided to try one layer of exposed film. Surprisingly, even though the filter passed visible light, the vegetation had that "infrared look": 1, 2.
Then I tried the combination of red filter, linear polarizer, and circular polarizer. The results seemed to be closer to color infrared images I've seen: 1, 2.
I have two digital cameras, the one I took the shots I posted yesterday is a good snapshot camera and my other one is a glorified webcam that I paid $25 for. (I've seen it on sale for $10.) I decided to see how well the $25 piece of junk took infrared photos. The results surprised me. Even though the images produced by this camera are small, pixelated, and somewhat distorted, they ended up coming out far better than the pictures taken by the more expensive camera: 1, 2, 3, 4.
Later, I found out how to make a infrared filter using two layers of exposed color print film. I decided to test this new filter against my earlier one. I can't decide which I like better: 1, 2, 3, 4.
This morning I decided to try one layer of exposed film. Surprisingly, even though the filter passed visible light, the vegetation had that "infrared look": 1, 2.
Then I tried the combination of red filter, linear polarizer, and circular polarizer. The results seemed to be closer to color infrared images I've seen: 1, 2.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Infrared.
A couple of weeks ago I read something on taking infrared photos with point-and-shoot digital cameras. I took a few shots after cobbling-together a red filter and two polarizers as a makeshift infrared filter. The results, while sort of interesting, weren't really infrared as far as I could tell. (The photo was brightened considerably using the Levels setting in The GIMP.)
Yesterday, purely by chance, I found myself looking at a site on using subminiature cameras. Oddly, there was a piece on making your own infrared filter by using combined red and green filters. I put a couple of my glass filters together, but that didn't seem to block much visible light. Then I got out my Roscolux filter pack and cut a square from #27 Medium Red and a square from #90 Dark Yellow Green. These two combined were almost black. I taped the stacked filters to the front of my cheap digital camera and the results were surprisingly good: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
The dark circle in the center of each photo is the only real problem and I don't know how to remedy that because it always pops up when I use really dark filters with this camera.
Yesterday, purely by chance, I found myself looking at a site on using subminiature cameras. Oddly, there was a piece on making your own infrared filter by using combined red and green filters. I put a couple of my glass filters together, but that didn't seem to block much visible light. Then I got out my Roscolux filter pack and cut a square from #27 Medium Red and a square from #90 Dark Yellow Green. These two combined were almost black. I taped the stacked filters to the front of my cheap digital camera and the results were surprisingly good: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
The dark circle in the center of each photo is the only real problem and I don't know how to remedy that because it always pops up when I use really dark filters with this camera.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Wild Kingdom.
Over the years I've seen wild turkeys around here many times, but I've never seen any baby turkeys until this morning. So I got my Nikon out and shot a few pictures and then I decided to try my luck shooting through my binoculars with my cheap digital camera. The results, while not great, surprised me: 1 , 2 , 3
Monday, July 12, 2004
Digging Through the Junk.
I was bored out of my mind this morning, so I decided to take a trip to Goodwill to dig through the garbage. I so enjoy picking through the detritus of other people's lives. Anyway, I hit the vinyl albums first this time. Typically I don't dig through the vinyl because it takes a long time and there's rarely anything interesting in there. Once I found some belly dancing albums. I stupidly bought only one of them. I went back later to see if they were still there and, of course, they were all gone.
Today wasn't any different from any other time I've looked through the vinyl. Lots of dreck; little of interest. I thought I hit pay dirt when I found a copy of Booker T and the MG's Hip Hug-Her. I pulled the record out of the battered sleeve and it was something else entirely. Something stupid. I don't remember the title. It got tossed it back into the pile and I kept searching.
I don't know why I dig through old records. I guess I hope that one day I'll find something really cool or rare, like maybe an original printing of a Velvet Underground album, the Yardbirds, a Robert Johnson 78, or something, anything, but all I ever see is stuff like Mantovani, Andy Williams, and Leo Sayer. (Did anyone who bought a Leo Sayer album ever keep it?) I did once find a rare copy of the Weirdos' Who? What? When? Where? Why? That was an odd thing to pop up in this town. And that's also the best thing I've ever found digging through thrift store vinyl, I think. That's sad.
Today wasn't any different from any other time I've looked through the vinyl. Lots of dreck; little of interest. I thought I hit pay dirt when I found a copy of Booker T and the MG's Hip Hug-Her. I pulled the record out of the battered sleeve and it was something else entirely. Something stupid. I don't remember the title. It got tossed it back into the pile and I kept searching.
I don't know why I dig through old records. I guess I hope that one day I'll find something really cool or rare, like maybe an original printing of a Velvet Underground album, the Yardbirds, a Robert Johnson 78, or something, anything, but all I ever see is stuff like Mantovani, Andy Williams, and Leo Sayer. (Did anyone who bought a Leo Sayer album ever keep it?) I did once find a rare copy of the Weirdos' Who? What? When? Where? Why? That was an odd thing to pop up in this town. And that's also the best thing I've ever found digging through thrift store vinyl, I think. That's sad.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Wig-Out!
American Merkin Company, "Handcrafting merkins for over 150 years!" (Not safe for work, by the way.)
3 Dev Adam!
3 Dev Adam is a bizarre, low-budget Turkish movie where Spiderman is a murderous bad guy. Really. It also features Captain America and the Mexican wrestler, Santo. I'm serious. [Link via some new links blog I saw yesterday that took forever to load because it had tons of pictures and I'm stuck on a dial-up connection out here in the boondocks and it really got on my nerves so I didn't write the URL down out of pure spite. So there.]
Monday, July 05, 2004
Paint-Cam.
One of the most intriguing things I've seen online recently is artist Daniel Rozin's Paint-Cam. It's a Shockwave based application that allows the user to paint with colors that are various live webcams from around the web to make photo-montages. Very clever and strange.
Rosin is the same person who did the wooden mirror a lot of people were linking to last year.
One of the most intriguing things I've seen online recently is artist Daniel Rozin's Paint-Cam. It's a Shockwave based application that allows the user to paint with colors that are various live webcams from around the web to make photo-montages. Very clever and strange.
Rosin is the same person who did the wooden mirror a lot of people were linking to last year.
Jet-Powered Firetruck.
Last month, at a local airshow, I got to see the Hawaiian Fire Department's jet-powered firetruck. (The website's missing some images.) Don't ask me why someone would get the bright idea to mount a pair of jet engines in a 64 year old firetruck, but I'm glad they did. You don't often get to see a firetruck race an airplane down a runway and win. The truck's also is in the Guinness Book for holding the record as fastest firetruck (407 mph). (Why they need a category for fastest firetruck escapes me. Why not a have a category for fastest washing-machine?)
And speaking of the airshow, I really should get off my ass and get those three rolls of film I shot developed.
Last month, at a local airshow, I got to see the Hawaiian Fire Department's jet-powered firetruck. (The website's missing some images.) Don't ask me why someone would get the bright idea to mount a pair of jet engines in a 64 year old firetruck, but I'm glad they did. You don't often get to see a firetruck race an airplane down a runway and win. The truck's also is in the Guinness Book for holding the record as fastest firetruck (407 mph). (Why they need a category for fastest firetruck escapes me. Why not a have a category for fastest washing-machine?)
And speaking of the airshow, I really should get off my ass and get those three rolls of film I shot developed.
Try and Read Them All!
Implementation is a novel that's "[...] printed on sheets of stickers that are being distributed in monthly installments. [...]" People have been sticking them on things all over the world.
Implementation is a novel that's "[...] printed on sheets of stickers that are being distributed in monthly installments. [...]" People have been sticking them on things all over the world.
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Middle Age Riot.
Radio station KCRW had Sonic Youth live in the studio for a performance and interview. You need the dreaded RealOne Player to see it. Oddly, even though I'm on a dial-up connection, I was able to listen to this nearly forty minute streaming media file without interuption. And it didn't sound like it was under water either. The "video" (for lack of a better word) was of a truly crappy quality unfortunately. [Link via Metafilter.]
Radio station KCRW had Sonic Youth live in the studio for a performance and interview. You need the dreaded RealOne Player to see it. Oddly, even though I'm on a dial-up connection, I was able to listen to this nearly forty minute streaming media file without interuption. And it didn't sound like it was under water either. The "video" (for lack of a better word) was of a truly crappy quality unfortunately. [Link via Metafilter.]
Belly Dance!
Radio Bastet features cover galleries of vintage belly dance albums and has a radio show of nothing but belly dance music. (You need the loathesome Real One Player, sorry.) [Link via Tales of the Two-Headed Mermaid.]
Radio Bastet features cover galleries of vintage belly dance albums and has a radio show of nothing but belly dance music. (You need the loathesome Real One Player, sorry.) [Link via Tales of the Two-Headed Mermaid.]
The Montage Art of Winston Smith.
One of the things I always liked about the early Dead Kennedys albums was the artwork of Winston Smith.
One of the things I always liked about the early Dead Kennedys albums was the artwork of Winston Smith.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Search Request Stupidity.
Over the past couple of months I've been accumulating oddball search requests that led hapless web surfers to my humble blog.
when i shower with girls my vagina gets wet is this ok
I'd be more worried if while you were in the shower your vagina didn't get wet. You know, because of all of that water. (Oh, god, my life is so empty.)
hillbilly racing mules
Just because I live in the South people automatically start making assumptions.
Turtle erectile disfunction
There's no greater tragedy in all of nature.
phobia of lobsters
Lobsters: scary, but tasty.
male raccoons don't have nipples
I've never checked, but since the Virginia raccoons have rabies, I'm going to hold off despite my sudden curiousity.
conservative woman bikini photos
They're wearing really big bikinis.
what can i use to remove a homemade tattoo that is inexpensive and you can do it at home
Cheese grater? Sandpaper?
sideburn templates
My barber needed a set of these this morning. She shaved my sideburns off completely even when I specifically said not to.
large volume enema
Doing a little spring cleaning, are we?
ant-thing goes anime porn
I don't know what that is, but if you find it, could you please let me know; I'm more than a little curious.
=exercises porn stars uses
Insert lame comment about picking up coins without using their hands, feet, or mouth.
Over the past couple of months I've been accumulating oddball search requests that led hapless web surfers to my humble blog.
when i shower with girls my vagina gets wet is this ok
I'd be more worried if while you were in the shower your vagina didn't get wet. You know, because of all of that water. (Oh, god, my life is so empty.)
hillbilly racing mules
Just because I live in the South people automatically start making assumptions.
Turtle erectile disfunction
There's no greater tragedy in all of nature.
phobia of lobsters
Lobsters: scary, but tasty.
male raccoons don't have nipples
I've never checked, but since the Virginia raccoons have rabies, I'm going to hold off despite my sudden curiousity.
conservative woman bikini photos
They're wearing really big bikinis.
what can i use to remove a homemade tattoo that is inexpensive and you can do it at home
Cheese grater? Sandpaper?
sideburn templates
My barber needed a set of these this morning. She shaved my sideburns off completely even when I specifically said not to.
large volume enema
Doing a little spring cleaning, are we?
ant-thing goes anime porn
I don't know what that is, but if you find it, could you please let me know; I'm more than a little curious.
=exercises porn stars uses
Insert lame comment about picking up coins without using their hands, feet, or mouth.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Avalanche.
I always wondered what it would be like to suddenly have tons of people hit my blog because of something I'd written. In a year and a half of blogging I didn't have that problem; virtually no one was interested in anything I'd written. Well, yesterday I got to find out. The final tally was 346 hits. My old record for one day was something like 70-something, I think. The typical daily average is around 30 hits.
It started when J-Walk linked to my Monkey Grip (AKA "the correct way to hold a pencil") post from April. He's linked to me several times before, but I never got a bunch of hits as a result. Then, appropriately, I started getting hits from Monkeyfilter, who'd linked the same post. (But without crediting J-Walk. Bad monkey!)
And the hits just keep on coming. Today I had over 60 a little after 9 AM.
This morning I also noticed I was getting hits from Diamond Geezer. He used to link to me, but took the link down after I went inactive. But why multiple hits all of a sudden? I found out that today he's going to see if he can leave a comment in a hundred different blogs he reads. You can actually track his progress. At last count he was only about halfway, but considering how insanely industrious he is, I don't doubt he'll finish.
I always wondered what it would be like to suddenly have tons of people hit my blog because of something I'd written. In a year and a half of blogging I didn't have that problem; virtually no one was interested in anything I'd written. Well, yesterday I got to find out. The final tally was 346 hits. My old record for one day was something like 70-something, I think. The typical daily average is around 30 hits.
It started when J-Walk linked to my Monkey Grip (AKA "the correct way to hold a pencil") post from April. He's linked to me several times before, but I never got a bunch of hits as a result. Then, appropriately, I started getting hits from Monkeyfilter, who'd linked the same post. (But without crediting J-Walk. Bad monkey!)
And the hits just keep on coming. Today I had over 60 a little after 9 AM.
This morning I also noticed I was getting hits from Diamond Geezer. He used to link to me, but took the link down after I went inactive. But why multiple hits all of a sudden? I found out that today he's going to see if he can leave a comment in a hundred different blogs he reads. You can actually track his progress. At last count he was only about halfway, but considering how insanely industrious he is, I don't doubt he'll finish.
Monday, June 28, 2004
Blogger Pop-Ups?
I've been testing out various new Blogger features over the past couple of days and decided to finally try out the Blog This! thing that's included with the excellent Google toolbar. It worked just great, but oddly, when I opened up the blog (not this one, my R&D blog where I do my experiments first so as not to screw up this one), the Google toolbar informed me that it was blocking a pop-up. I unblocked the pop-up to see what it was and it was a typical stupid ad telling me I'd won something. But why was it on my blog?
I rarely see pop-ups anymore because I use Firefox and on IE I have the pop-up blocker that's built into the aforementioned Google toolbar.
So what's the deal? Does Blogger now feature pop-ups or was it somehow connected to the Blog This! thingy? Has anyone else seen pop-ups on Blogger sites, or am I just going insane?
My system doesn't have any spyware on it either, so don't suggest that as the culprit.
Update: I'm not sure, but this pop-up thing may have something to do with Bravenet. I've got a Bravenet hit counter on the R&D blog. If it's not that, I'm fresh out of ideas.
I've been testing out various new Blogger features over the past couple of days and decided to finally try out the Blog This! thing that's included with the excellent Google toolbar. It worked just great, but oddly, when I opened up the blog (not this one, my R&D blog where I do my experiments first so as not to screw up this one), the Google toolbar informed me that it was blocking a pop-up. I unblocked the pop-up to see what it was and it was a typical stupid ad telling me I'd won something. But why was it on my blog?
I rarely see pop-ups anymore because I use Firefox and on IE I have the pop-up blocker that's built into the aforementioned Google toolbar.
So what's the deal? Does Blogger now feature pop-ups or was it somehow connected to the Blog This! thingy? Has anyone else seen pop-ups on Blogger sites, or am I just going insane?
My system doesn't have any spyware on it either, so don't suggest that as the culprit.
Update: I'm not sure, but this pop-up thing may have something to do with Bravenet. I've got a Bravenet hit counter on the R&D blog. If it's not that, I'm fresh out of ideas.
Sunday, June 27, 2004
New Template.
Yep, I got myself a shiny, new template. This one, unlike my old one, actually seems to work properly. If you were using Internet Explorer, the old one required you to reload the page if you wanted to scroll all the way to the bottom. And if you're one of those rare, sane people who uses Mozilla Firefox, you had to reload if you didn't want half the page to display nothing but gibberish. Of course, considering how I haven't posted jack squat here since last month, the gibberish may have been viewed as an interesting change of pace.
The only bad thing about this template (I mean besides its punishing dullness) is there's no blue. My trademark blue is nowhere to be seen.
And, yes, I'm still on hiatus.
Yep, I got myself a shiny, new template. This one, unlike my old one, actually seems to work properly. If you were using Internet Explorer, the old one required you to reload the page if you wanted to scroll all the way to the bottom. And if you're one of those rare, sane people who uses Mozilla Firefox, you had to reload if you didn't want half the page to display nothing but gibberish. Of course, considering how I haven't posted jack squat here since last month, the gibberish may have been viewed as an interesting change of pace.
The only bad thing about this template (I mean besides its punishing dullness) is there's no blue. My trademark blue is nowhere to be seen.
And, yes, I'm still on hiatus.
Monday, June 07, 2004
A Short, Quick Post.
I just found out Robert Quine, one of my favorite guitarists, killed himself. Just two or three days ago I reread this interview with him. This really sucks. I don't know what else to say.
I just found out Robert Quine, one of my favorite guitarists, killed himself. Just two or three days ago I reread this interview with him. This really sucks. I don't know what else to say.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
It's Official!
It's official, I'm on hiatus. It's also official that Blogger's new interface blows. I have no idea how long I'll be on hiatus. I also have no idea how long we'll have to put up with Blogger's horrible new interface.
In other news, I'm (finally) graduating from college on Friday. You'd think I'd be more excited about this.
It's official, I'm on hiatus. It's also official that Blogger's new interface blows. I have no idea how long I'll be on hiatus. I also have no idea how long we'll have to put up with Blogger's horrible new interface.
In other news, I'm (finally) graduating from college on Friday. You'd think I'd be more excited about this.
Monday, May 10, 2004
What the...?
What'd they do to Blogger? Just as I'm thinking of going on hiatus for a long time, they go and change everything in sight and add a bunch of features like built-in comments.
What'd they do to Blogger? Just as I'm thinking of going on hiatus for a long time, they go and change everything in sight and add a bunch of features like built-in comments.
Monday, May 03, 2004
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Monkey Grip.
I noticed something odd several years ago that I don't think I'd ever paid any attention to before: how people hold pencils and pens. When I first started school, I have clear memories of the teachers showing us the correct way to hold a pencil. We were told to hold the tips of our index and thumb toward the pencil point and rest the pencil along the side of the middle finger. I never noticed anyone ever writing any other way unless, of course, they were-left handed.
A few years ago at my old job, I noticed this girl I worked with holding her pen like a chimpanzee. I wondered why she held the pen in such an awkward way, but I never asked her about it. Later, at a bank, I noticed the girl behind the counter held her pen in the same awkward manner. What was significant to me was that both girls were around the same age, in their early to mid 20's. That made me wonder if perhaps sometime along the way teachers simply stopped teaching students the correct way to hold a pencil. Today in class, I noticed a girl who's probably nineteen or twenty holding her pen in the same awkward way.
So, dear readers, I ask you, how do you hold your pencil? And if you hold it chimp-style, why?
I noticed something odd several years ago that I don't think I'd ever paid any attention to before: how people hold pencils and pens. When I first started school, I have clear memories of the teachers showing us the correct way to hold a pencil. We were told to hold the tips of our index and thumb toward the pencil point and rest the pencil along the side of the middle finger. I never noticed anyone ever writing any other way unless, of course, they were-left handed.
A few years ago at my old job, I noticed this girl I worked with holding her pen like a chimpanzee. I wondered why she held the pen in such an awkward way, but I never asked her about it. Later, at a bank, I noticed the girl behind the counter held her pen in the same awkward manner. What was significant to me was that both girls were around the same age, in their early to mid 20's. That made me wonder if perhaps sometime along the way teachers simply stopped teaching students the correct way to hold a pencil. Today in class, I noticed a girl who's probably nineteen or twenty holding her pen in the same awkward way.
So, dear readers, I ask you, how do you hold your pencil? And if you hold it chimp-style, why?
Sunday, April 25, 2004
The Meat What Am.
I usually don't spend much time looking at my spam, but two subject lines I saw today stuck out. The first, while typical penis enlargement/Viagra stuff, inexplicably takes a more sinister turn at the end: "Great Pill To Increase Ur Sperms parendum looting". So this pill will increase my sperm count, but will also make it more likely that I'll start looting? Is the looting thing a side effect? (Parendum is Latin, but I haven't tracked down a definition yet.) The second spam subject line is almost more of a suggestion or an insult than anything else: "Keep Ur Small P-E-N-I-S At Home, Don't Bring It Out allign". They want me to keep my penis at home, but also they don't want me getting it out of alignment? OK, I'll do that.
I usually don't spend much time looking at my spam, but two subject lines I saw today stuck out. The first, while typical penis enlargement/Viagra stuff, inexplicably takes a more sinister turn at the end: "Great Pill To Increase Ur Sperms parendum looting". So this pill will increase my sperm count, but will also make it more likely that I'll start looting? Is the looting thing a side effect? (Parendum is Latin, but I haven't tracked down a definition yet.) The second spam subject line is almost more of a suggestion or an insult than anything else: "Keep Ur Small P-E-N-I-S At Home, Don't Bring It Out allign". They want me to keep my penis at home, but also they don't want me getting it out of alignment? OK, I'll do that.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Visions of A Horrible Future.
Yesterday, I saw a girl in the school parking lot standing under an umbrella. So what, you say? The weather was perfectly clear. She was using the umbrella to block the summer-like heat of the sun. I have a bad feeling we're going to be seeing more and more people walking around under umbrellas in the future.
Yesterday, I saw a girl in the school parking lot standing under an umbrella. So what, you say? The weather was perfectly clear. She was using the umbrella to block the summer-like heat of the sun. I have a bad feeling we're going to be seeing more and more people walking around under umbrellas in the future.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Stereographic.
A large online collection of hand-tinted, turn-of-the-century Japanese stereographic photos.
A large online collection of hand-tinted, turn-of-the-century Japanese stereographic photos.
Doll Parts.
Cowboy Parts is a comprehensive site devoted to Hartland Western toys. My favorite section is devoted to tiny plastic hats.
Cowboy Parts is a comprehensive site devoted to Hartland Western toys. My favorite section is devoted to tiny plastic hats.
Radios.
I love radios, especially old radios. Here's a gallery of vintage Soviet military radio gear. All the text is in Russian.
An amazing color gallery of vintage AM/FM radios is available at Radioattic.
I love radios, especially old radios. Here's a gallery of vintage Soviet military radio gear. All the text is in Russian.
An amazing color gallery of vintage AM/FM radios is available at Radioattic.
Monday, April 19, 2004
Excuses, Excuses.
I’m sorry for not posting anything, but I’ve been feeling particularly uninspired lately. (Where have I heard that before? Oh, I've written it multiple times, that's where.)
Yesterday I was digging through my archives and made an astonishing discovery about this blog: it used to be good. If you don’t believe me, go back and look at some of the entries from last September or October. I found myself actually enjoying rereading my old posts. It’s all there: funny posts, great links, lots of comments, etc. But it all just fell apart in late November and never recovered.
The only thing I didn’t like about my archives is how I had to reload each page at least once to get it to display right. Using Mozilla Firefox I kept ending up with a very long, gibberish filled page. And not the kind of gibberish you’d usually find here. Of course, it works fine in Internet Explorer. Grrr!!
I’m sorry for not posting anything, but I’ve been feeling particularly uninspired lately. (Where have I heard that before? Oh, I've written it multiple times, that's where.)
Yesterday I was digging through my archives and made an astonishing discovery about this blog: it used to be good. If you don’t believe me, go back and look at some of the entries from last September or October. I found myself actually enjoying rereading my old posts. It’s all there: funny posts, great links, lots of comments, etc. But it all just fell apart in late November and never recovered.
The only thing I didn’t like about my archives is how I had to reload each page at least once to get it to display right. Using Mozilla Firefox I kept ending up with a very long, gibberish filled page. And not the kind of gibberish you’d usually find here. Of course, it works fine in Internet Explorer. Grrr!!
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Frankenstein Eyesight Television Playback.
I love UBU Web, it's a goldmine of weird recordings from the avant-garde to the unbalanced. My new favorite section is FOUND+INSANE. For a glimpse into some truly marvelous lunacy, check out the recordings of material written by Francis E. Dec. These recording aren't Dec himself, but a professional broadcaster who's a fan of Dec's ravings. I recommend "rant 2" and "rant 3". (Available in both RealAudio and .mp3) I think we all feel like these recordings sound on occasion. Well, kinda.
If you liked the above (and how can you possibly not?), then have a look at the Kooks Museum.
I love UBU Web, it's a goldmine of weird recordings from the avant-garde to the unbalanced. My new favorite section is FOUND+INSANE. For a glimpse into some truly marvelous lunacy, check out the recordings of material written by Francis E. Dec. These recording aren't Dec himself, but a professional broadcaster who's a fan of Dec's ravings. I recommend "rant 2" and "rant 3". (Available in both RealAudio and .mp3) I think we all feel like these recordings sound on occasion. Well, kinda.
If you liked the above (and how can you possibly not?), then have a look at the Kooks Museum.
Exterminate!
Build your own Dalek. Finally a hobby I can get interested in. [Link via The Cartoonist.]
Build your own Dalek. Finally a hobby I can get interested in. [Link via The Cartoonist.]
Your Tax Dollars at Work.
Yesterday I got a hit from someone in the USDA. How did they find my blog? By searching for peep show humping stories. And not only that, he (has to be a he) went through over a hundred hits before he got to me.
Yesterday I got a hit from someone in the USDA. How did they find my blog? By searching for peep show humping stories. And not only that, he (has to be a he) went through over a hundred hits before he got to me.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
A Day Late and a Dollar Short.
Back on May 22 of last year, I wrote a post about a new invention that had popped into my head. Typically it was one those things that's really stupid, but incredibly useful. It was a "hum search engine" where you could hum a tune and the search engine would find what tune it was. It'd be great for those times where you have a song stuck in your head, but don't know the name of it. Anyway, yesterday over at Metafilter I saw a post about a whistle search engine called Melodyhound. I was flabbergasted. Really. At first I thought maybe I'd been ripped off, but then I found out that this had been previously posted at Metafilter--on September 3, 2002, two and half months before I even started my blog. This is the story of my life. (When I originally posted this one of my commenters suggested I call Shazam, a cell phone service in the UK which does something similar. But it's not quite the same thing. Another commenter claimed the inventors of the .mp3 were coming up with something like what I described.)
This reminds me of something I read about in a biography of James M. Cain years ago. In the 20's when Cain was working as a reporter, he was covering some story in an isolated West Virginia town. The local eccentric announced he was going to unveil the invention he had spent the last few years laboring over. The invention turned out to be the bicycle. The man had never seen one before and wasted several years of his life reinventing something that already exists. This is my future.
Back on May 22 of last year, I wrote a post about a new invention that had popped into my head. Typically it was one those things that's really stupid, but incredibly useful. It was a "hum search engine" where you could hum a tune and the search engine would find what tune it was. It'd be great for those times where you have a song stuck in your head, but don't know the name of it. Anyway, yesterday over at Metafilter I saw a post about a whistle search engine called Melodyhound. I was flabbergasted. Really. At first I thought maybe I'd been ripped off, but then I found out that this had been previously posted at Metafilter--on September 3, 2002, two and half months before I even started my blog. This is the story of my life. (When I originally posted this one of my commenters suggested I call Shazam, a cell phone service in the UK which does something similar. But it's not quite the same thing. Another commenter claimed the inventors of the .mp3 were coming up with something like what I described.)
This reminds me of something I read about in a biography of James M. Cain years ago. In the 20's when Cain was working as a reporter, he was covering some story in an isolated West Virginia town. The local eccentric announced he was going to unveil the invention he had spent the last few years laboring over. The invention turned out to be the bicycle. The man had never seen one before and wasted several years of his life reinventing something that already exists. This is my future.
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Now with Less Uselessness!
Jebus, why didn't somebody tell me my site feed hasn't worked in over two weeks? It's been broken since I switched it from only putting up partial posts to full posts. The URL changed and I didn't notice. It must be a wildly popular feed. Anyway, it's fixed now. Knock yourselves out.
And if you read the above and don't know what I'm talking about, just go back to sleep. It's not important.
Jebus, why didn't somebody tell me my site feed hasn't worked in over two weeks? It's been broken since I switched it from only putting up partial posts to full posts. The URL changed and I didn't notice. It must be a wildly popular feed. Anyway, it's fixed now. Knock yourselves out.
And if you read the above and don't know what I'm talking about, just go back to sleep. It's not important.
Friday, April 09, 2004
For the Birds.
Yesterday as I walked out of a store, I felt something wet hit my head. It was cloudy, so I figured it was starting to rain. After I walked a few steps I brushed my left palm over my hair where I’d been hit. It came back with a white streak on it. Bird shit? I remembered seeing some painters doing some work on the other side of the shopping center and wondered if it was paint. In my car I tried to wipe off the white streaks and it didn’t come off. Paint? I drove home. At a stop sign I sniffed my hand. It smelled kinda funky. Bird shit.
And it’s not the first time a bird has used me as a toilet. Once I got hit on the arm when I was about nine or ten. Several years ago a bird in a very high oak splattered my jeans slightly as I rode in the back of a pickup truck.
Try as you might, there’s simply no dignified way to walk around with bird shit in your hair. Unless, of course, you’re alone and the house is empty when you get home, which, thankfully, it was. So I rinsed it out carefully at first and then had a very long, very thorough shower.
Stupid bird.
Yesterday as I walked out of a store, I felt something wet hit my head. It was cloudy, so I figured it was starting to rain. After I walked a few steps I brushed my left palm over my hair where I’d been hit. It came back with a white streak on it. Bird shit? I remembered seeing some painters doing some work on the other side of the shopping center and wondered if it was paint. In my car I tried to wipe off the white streaks and it didn’t come off. Paint? I drove home. At a stop sign I sniffed my hand. It smelled kinda funky. Bird shit.
And it’s not the first time a bird has used me as a toilet. Once I got hit on the arm when I was about nine or ten. Several years ago a bird in a very high oak splattered my jeans slightly as I rode in the back of a pickup truck.
Try as you might, there’s simply no dignified way to walk around with bird shit in your hair. Unless, of course, you’re alone and the house is empty when you get home, which, thankfully, it was. So I rinsed it out carefully at first and then had a very long, very thorough shower.
Stupid bird.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Turkey Wars, pt. II
I got a good shot of the dominant turkey this morning and posted it at my moblog (which I've been neglecting almost as much as this blog). The shot was done by using a pair of binoculars as a telephoto lens for my digital camera. It's not a great picture, but it's pretty good for something done without a tripod.
I got a good shot of the dominant turkey this morning and posted it at my moblog (which I've been neglecting almost as much as this blog). The shot was done by using a pair of binoculars as a telephoto lens for my digital camera. It's not a great picture, but it's pretty good for something done without a tripod.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Turkey Wars.
I haven’t been posting anything because there hasn’t been anything worth writing about recently. Well, a little while ago I saw something I’ve never seen before that's worth posting about: a wild turkey fight. I’ve seen wild turkeys around on and off for years, but they never really did much of anything. They’d stroll around a bit, peck at the ground, and then run away if they got spooked. I’ve seen them fly a little, but not much. I had no idea they fought.
For the past week or two a big male has been strutting around the yard, occasionally puffing himself up and fanning out his tail feathers. I didn’t really know why he was doing this, but it was interesting to watch. A couple of days ago I shot up a roll of film in my Nikon with the 70-210mm zoom lens on him. (I’ll get it developed in the next year or so, I promise.)
Apparently the puffing up is a gesture showing dominance. It’s not just for show either; turkeys are rough fighters. The puffed up one and another male went head-to-head (or maybe beak-to-beak is a better description) and pecked and clawed at each other until the challenger ran away. I’d considered getting my Nikon, but it didn’t have film in it. Had I gotten it, the fight would’ve been over by the time I got back.
Later the puffed up was fighting again. This time the challenger, don’t know if it was the same one as earlier, came from the opposite side of the yard. This fight was more violent. One of them would grab the other’s head with his beak and pull at it. There was lots of severe pecking. They’d also entwine their necks in a way I’ve seen snakes do on nature programs. Very educational. But eventually the challenging turkey ran away.
I haven’t been posting anything because there hasn’t been anything worth writing about recently. Well, a little while ago I saw something I’ve never seen before that's worth posting about: a wild turkey fight. I’ve seen wild turkeys around on and off for years, but they never really did much of anything. They’d stroll around a bit, peck at the ground, and then run away if they got spooked. I’ve seen them fly a little, but not much. I had no idea they fought.
For the past week or two a big male has been strutting around the yard, occasionally puffing himself up and fanning out his tail feathers. I didn’t really know why he was doing this, but it was interesting to watch. A couple of days ago I shot up a roll of film in my Nikon with the 70-210mm zoom lens on him. (I’ll get it developed in the next year or so, I promise.)
Apparently the puffing up is a gesture showing dominance. It’s not just for show either; turkeys are rough fighters. The puffed up one and another male went head-to-head (or maybe beak-to-beak is a better description) and pecked and clawed at each other until the challenger ran away. I’d considered getting my Nikon, but it didn’t have film in it. Had I gotten it, the fight would’ve been over by the time I got back.
Later the puffed up was fighting again. This time the challenger, don’t know if it was the same one as earlier, came from the opposite side of the yard. This fight was more violent. One of them would grab the other’s head with his beak and pull at it. There was lots of severe pecking. They’d also entwine their necks in a way I’ve seen snakes do on nature programs. Very educational. But eventually the challenging turkey ran away.
Friday, April 02, 2004
Just Call Me Windbag.
Last night I suddenly remembered a quasi-local blog I used to read. I haven't read in months because I just completely forgot about it. The person who does the blog works at the private for school for girls I worked at as a temp back in late summer/early fall of '97. And since these days I'm nothing but a doddering old twit with absolutely nothing to say, I'm going to drone on a bit about this temp job. Humor me. Or just leave. I don't really care.
An entry on the front page about an old fire-damaged house on the school property reminded me of a few things. An awful movie called Crazy People had been filmed partially on the school grounds in the late 80's. We temps were assigned the task of cleaning all the junk out of this fire-damaged house. Inside in a box I found a dozen or more copies of the screenplay to Crazy People. I kept a few and one of the other temps kept one, the rest ended up in the dumpster. I could've sold all of those on Ebay, but that was 1997 and I didn't think about stuff like that back then.
I've always wanted to throw a couch out of a second story window and when we were cleaning out this house I got to do just that. But, unfortunately, it wasn't very spectacular. The only interesting part was when the couch got stuck in such a way that we couldn't pull it back in and I got punch and kick it until it fell. Fun, but ultimately dull. Considerably more fun was lifting an old junky Royal electric typewriter over my head, slamming it down into the dumpster and watching it come apart. It was sort of Pete Townsend meets William Faulkner. Cathartic. I highly recommend it.
I found this big, heavy duty wooden easel in the house and decided to keep it. I guessed it was just old junk and that the school's art department had all new easels. I took it and propped it up against the front bumper of my Buick because I couldn't figure out how to get it in my car at the time. It stood there leaning against my car all day until a bit after quitting time I managed to get the thing in my car. A few days later I went into the art department and saw about twenty or thirty clones of the the easel I took home. I thought, "Oh, shit. I think I just stole an easel." But if I hadn't kept it it would've ended up in the dumpster with everything else. Anyway, it has a good home now. I gave it to my sister who's an art student.
One of the great things about working at that place was that we could keep anything that was going to be thrown away, so I ended up with a lot of junk. My most bizarre acquisition was a huge 35mm movie projector from the 40's. It's the kind of projector they put in movie theaters. I also got a couple of chairs, a suitcase, books, slightly damaged copier paper, stationary they threw out by the ton, envelopes, and god knows what else.
All in all, it was probably my most interesting temp job. (Unfortunatly, you can't tell by the way I wrote this.)
Last night I suddenly remembered a quasi-local blog I used to read. I haven't read in months because I just completely forgot about it. The person who does the blog works at the private for school for girls I worked at as a temp back in late summer/early fall of '97. And since these days I'm nothing but a doddering old twit with absolutely nothing to say, I'm going to drone on a bit about this temp job. Humor me. Or just leave. I don't really care.
An entry on the front page about an old fire-damaged house on the school property reminded me of a few things. An awful movie called Crazy People had been filmed partially on the school grounds in the late 80's. We temps were assigned the task of cleaning all the junk out of this fire-damaged house. Inside in a box I found a dozen or more copies of the screenplay to Crazy People. I kept a few and one of the other temps kept one, the rest ended up in the dumpster. I could've sold all of those on Ebay, but that was 1997 and I didn't think about stuff like that back then.
I've always wanted to throw a couch out of a second story window and when we were cleaning out this house I got to do just that. But, unfortunately, it wasn't very spectacular. The only interesting part was when the couch got stuck in such a way that we couldn't pull it back in and I got punch and kick it until it fell. Fun, but ultimately dull. Considerably more fun was lifting an old junky Royal electric typewriter over my head, slamming it down into the dumpster and watching it come apart. It was sort of Pete Townsend meets William Faulkner. Cathartic. I highly recommend it.
I found this big, heavy duty wooden easel in the house and decided to keep it. I guessed it was just old junk and that the school's art department had all new easels. I took it and propped it up against the front bumper of my Buick because I couldn't figure out how to get it in my car at the time. It stood there leaning against my car all day until a bit after quitting time I managed to get the thing in my car. A few days later I went into the art department and saw about twenty or thirty clones of the the easel I took home. I thought, "Oh, shit. I think I just stole an easel." But if I hadn't kept it it would've ended up in the dumpster with everything else. Anyway, it has a good home now. I gave it to my sister who's an art student.
One of the great things about working at that place was that we could keep anything that was going to be thrown away, so I ended up with a lot of junk. My most bizarre acquisition was a huge 35mm movie projector from the 40's. It's the kind of projector they put in movie theaters. I also got a couple of chairs, a suitcase, books, slightly damaged copier paper, stationary they threw out by the ton, envelopes, and god knows what else.
All in all, it was probably my most interesting temp job. (Unfortunatly, you can't tell by the way I wrote this.)
Monday, March 29, 2004
Polar Expedition.
Once I worked a temp job for a company that distributed things like ice cream and milk. They had a huge storage room for the ice cream that was kept at a constant temperature of at least 20 below zero. That's Fahrenheit. When we went in there we had to dress like we were walking to the North Pole.
My first time in there this regular employee took me aside and said, "If you want any ice cream just get it and eat it fast." He was serious. He also looked as though he'd eaten more than his share of ice cream. All I could think was, "It's 20 below zero, you lunatic! The last thing I want to do is eat ice cream!" But I didn't say that. I also didn't eat any damn ice cream.
Once I worked a temp job for a company that distributed things like ice cream and milk. They had a huge storage room for the ice cream that was kept at a constant temperature of at least 20 below zero. That's Fahrenheit. When we went in there we had to dress like we were walking to the North Pole.
My first time in there this regular employee took me aside and said, "If you want any ice cream just get it and eat it fast." He was serious. He also looked as though he'd eaten more than his share of ice cream. All I could think was, "It's 20 below zero, you lunatic! The last thing I want to do is eat ice cream!" But I didn't say that. I also didn't eat any damn ice cream.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Big Dead Bird.
I'm not sure, but I think there was a dead chicken in the parking lot of the grocery store. I didn't get a good look at it because I was leaving, but it was definitely a big dead bird of some sort. Too small to be a pigeon. Maybe it was a buzzard. We have lots of those. Or a small turkey. It wasn't solid white like your typical domestic chicken, but was mostly covered in dark feathers. A Barred Plymouth Rock or Silver-Gray Dorking, perhaps? But I'm no chicken expert.
I'm not sure, but I think there was a dead chicken in the parking lot of the grocery store. I didn't get a good look at it because I was leaving, but it was definitely a big dead bird of some sort. Too small to be a pigeon. Maybe it was a buzzard. We have lots of those. Or a small turkey. It wasn't solid white like your typical domestic chicken, but was mostly covered in dark feathers. A Barred Plymouth Rock or Silver-Gray Dorking, perhaps? But I'm no chicken expert.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Another New Product.
Last night I dreamed of a useful new product: a box of disposable hairpieces. You’d pull one out, peel off the backing on the adhesive side, and stick it on your bald spot. When you were done with it, toss it in the trash. The next hairpiece would be partially sticking out of the box waiting for you, just like with a box of Kleenex.
Last night I dreamed of a useful new product: a box of disposable hairpieces. You’d pull one out, peel off the backing on the adhesive side, and stick it on your bald spot. When you were done with it, toss it in the trash. The next hairpiece would be partially sticking out of the box waiting for you, just like with a box of Kleenex.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Philanthropy.
Yesterday, while poking through my referrer logs, I noticed I had a hit from someone at the World Bank. I wondered, Do I have a fan who works at the World Bank? I dug a little deeper and found out that they had found my blog after doing a search for (oYo) emoticon.
I hate emoticons, but I must admit that (oYo) is my favorite.
Yesterday, while poking through my referrer logs, I noticed I had a hit from someone at the World Bank. I wondered, Do I have a fan who works at the World Bank? I dug a little deeper and found out that they had found my blog after doing a search for (oYo) emoticon.
I hate emoticons, but I must admit that (oYo) is my favorite.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Division of Motor Vehicles.
I had to go the damn DMV this morning to renew my driver’s license. I’d totally forgotten about this because the notice I’d gotten in the mail a couple of months ago ended up buried under a mountain of crap on my desk. And I never use my desk anymore, except to pile crap on. Sunday night I found it while digging though said crap pile for reasons that now slip my mind.
I live in small city, so I don’t have to put up with the labyrinthine horrors of people living in places like New York or Chicago have to endure when they have to go to the DMV. But, despite the more laid-back small town approach, I still find any trip to the DMV agonizing.
They assign you a number when you come in and when your number comes up it’s announced over a loudspeaker and displayed on a big LED screen. I was B107. I sat and waited. Eventually they called B105. Then B106. The anticipation was palpable! Then… A102. C409. E700. Clearly the numbers were being pulled from a barrel by a chimp in a back room.
After my number was called I went the whole boring rigmarole and paid my 20 bucks. Since I had to hurry up and get out of there so I wouldn’t be late for class, I decided to keep my old photo, something I’ve never done.
The old photo from five years ago was taken when I was suffering from some kind of mystery illness that made all food taste terrible. I hadn’t eaten in days. My skin in the photo is somewhere between light gray and very pale beige. Also I’d been working third shift for about two weeks and had just been put back on my old job on second shift.
Since I was sick, all I wanted to do was lie on the couch until it was time for work. I forced myself to the DMV and got my license renewed and then went back to the couch for a few more hours.
Later that day at my job, I worked for about two hours and then started feeling dizzy and seeing spots. I tried to fight it off, but I couldn’t. I staggered to the bathroom feeling like I was going to puke or pass out. Maybe both. In the end my parents had to come and pick me up because I was so out of it. And since I didn't go to a doctor, I never did find out what was wrong with me.
So I get to carry the sick guy photo around in my wallet for another five years.
I had to go the damn DMV this morning to renew my driver’s license. I’d totally forgotten about this because the notice I’d gotten in the mail a couple of months ago ended up buried under a mountain of crap on my desk. And I never use my desk anymore, except to pile crap on. Sunday night I found it while digging though said crap pile for reasons that now slip my mind.
I live in small city, so I don’t have to put up with the labyrinthine horrors of people living in places like New York or Chicago have to endure when they have to go to the DMV. But, despite the more laid-back small town approach, I still find any trip to the DMV agonizing.
They assign you a number when you come in and when your number comes up it’s announced over a loudspeaker and displayed on a big LED screen. I was B107. I sat and waited. Eventually they called B105. Then B106. The anticipation was palpable! Then… A102. C409. E700. Clearly the numbers were being pulled from a barrel by a chimp in a back room.
After my number was called I went the whole boring rigmarole and paid my 20 bucks. Since I had to hurry up and get out of there so I wouldn’t be late for class, I decided to keep my old photo, something I’ve never done.
The old photo from five years ago was taken when I was suffering from some kind of mystery illness that made all food taste terrible. I hadn’t eaten in days. My skin in the photo is somewhere between light gray and very pale beige. Also I’d been working third shift for about two weeks and had just been put back on my old job on second shift.
Since I was sick, all I wanted to do was lie on the couch until it was time for work. I forced myself to the DMV and got my license renewed and then went back to the couch for a few more hours.
Later that day at my job, I worked for about two hours and then started feeling dizzy and seeing spots. I tried to fight it off, but I couldn’t. I staggered to the bathroom feeling like I was going to puke or pass out. Maybe both. In the end my parents had to come and pick me up because I was so out of it. And since I didn't go to a doctor, I never did find out what was wrong with me.
So I get to carry the sick guy photo around in my wallet for another five years.
Monday, March 22, 2004
Toon Tunes.
Yesterday I was trying to find the lyrics to the "Eep Oop Ork" song from the Jetsons (don't ask) and I found Demented Toon Tunes instead. They have many, many cartoon-related novelty songs you can hear. Unfortunately you need the Real Player, but life just sucks that way sometimes.
Yesterday I was trying to find the lyrics to the "Eep Oop Ork" song from the Jetsons (don't ask) and I found Demented Toon Tunes instead. They have many, many cartoon-related novelty songs you can hear. Unfortunately you need the Real Player, but life just sucks that way sometimes.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Dearth of Posts, part II.
I haven't been posting because I just haven't felt like writing much lately. Although I have been taking a lot of pictures and I've been posting some of them at my moblog.
I haven't been posting because I just haven't felt like writing much lately. Although I have been taking a lot of pictures and I've been posting some of them at my moblog.
Thursday, March 18, 2004
A New Product.
I woke up this morning and remembered a dream about a new product called CC Cheese. The "cc" was cubic centimeters, as in the measurement on a syringe. It was called, "The injectable cheese." You wouldn't shoot into your veins, you'd inject it into your food. There was even a commercial jingle, but I don't remember it.
I woke up this morning and remembered a dream about a new product called CC Cheese. The "cc" was cubic centimeters, as in the measurement on a syringe. It was called, "The injectable cheese." You wouldn't shoot into your veins, you'd inject it into your food. There was even a commercial jingle, but I don't remember it.
Monday, March 15, 2004
Saturday, March 13, 2004
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Haircut.
Since it's spring break and I'm not down in Florida going to wet t-shirt contests and turning over cars with packs of drunken frat-boys, I decided to get a haircut. Yep, I'm a man of action. I tend to only get my hair cut three or four times a year. But despite only getting my hair cut occasionally, I hate having my hair get too long. I don't have anything against long hair, mind you, in fact, ten years ago during the grunge days I had hair longer than J. Mascis from Dinosaur Jr. But now that I'm getting old and decrepit my once flowing locks are falling out at a rapid pace. On sunny days I can signal aircraft with my shiny bald spot. When my hair gets a little too long, I look in the mirror and cringe at how I end up looking unnervingly like the late Carl Sagan. Then I have an overwhelming urge to say, "Billions and billions.". It's a horrible sight. It's a wonder I don't run into the barber shop screaming, "Cut it off! Cut it off!"
Since it's spring break and I'm not down in Florida going to wet t-shirt contests and turning over cars with packs of drunken frat-boys, I decided to get a haircut. Yep, I'm a man of action. I tend to only get my hair cut three or four times a year. But despite only getting my hair cut occasionally, I hate having my hair get too long. I don't have anything against long hair, mind you, in fact, ten years ago during the grunge days I had hair longer than J. Mascis from Dinosaur Jr. But now that I'm getting old and decrepit my once flowing locks are falling out at a rapid pace. On sunny days I can signal aircraft with my shiny bald spot. When my hair gets a little too long, I look in the mirror and cringe at how I end up looking unnervingly like the late Carl Sagan. Then I have an overwhelming urge to say, "Billions and billions.". It's a horrible sight. It's a wonder I don't run into the barber shop screaming, "Cut it off! Cut it off!"
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Penny Pinching.
A little over a week ago I wrote about the big, dirty piles of snow that were in the parking lot of a local shopping center. I seriously thought those things would stick around for a few weeks since they were fairly huge, but they're gone. I was there yesterday and the only thing that's left is a wide circle of debris that got scraped up with the snow. There was a bit of garbage, gravel, chunks of the speed bumps that accidentally got ripped up, and, oddly, a handful of pennies.
At first I thought someone had just dropped a bunch of pennies and didn't pick them up because they were in a hurry and pennies aren't worth the effort. Then I realized that the pennies were most likely the random single coins I almost always see in parking lots and on sidewalks when I'm out shopping. I always want to pick these pennies up because, after all, it's free money, but I never do because I don't want to look like cheapskate and it's simply not worth the physical exertion to bend over and pick up a penny. But what about a bunch of pennies? Those would be worth picking up, wouldn't they? Maybe. But I didn't pick them up because it was probably only fifteen cents at the most, but I almost had to physically restrain myself. I've had similar feelings around those wishing fountains, or whatever they're called. If I could, I'd get a bucket, wade out into it, and scoop up loose change until I couldn't stand it anymore. It's free money, you know, unless you get caught.
A little over a week ago I wrote about the big, dirty piles of snow that were in the parking lot of a local shopping center. I seriously thought those things would stick around for a few weeks since they were fairly huge, but they're gone. I was there yesterday and the only thing that's left is a wide circle of debris that got scraped up with the snow. There was a bit of garbage, gravel, chunks of the speed bumps that accidentally got ripped up, and, oddly, a handful of pennies.
At first I thought someone had just dropped a bunch of pennies and didn't pick them up because they were in a hurry and pennies aren't worth the effort. Then I realized that the pennies were most likely the random single coins I almost always see in parking lots and on sidewalks when I'm out shopping. I always want to pick these pennies up because, after all, it's free money, but I never do because I don't want to look like cheapskate and it's simply not worth the physical exertion to bend over and pick up a penny. But what about a bunch of pennies? Those would be worth picking up, wouldn't they? Maybe. But I didn't pick them up because it was probably only fifteen cents at the most, but I almost had to physically restrain myself. I've had similar feelings around those wishing fountains, or whatever they're called. If I could, I'd get a bucket, wade out into it, and scoop up loose change until I couldn't stand it anymore. It's free money, you know, unless you get caught.
Friday, March 05, 2004
Solving the Problem of Day-to-Day Tedium.
I’m finding various ordinary day-to-day tasks increasingly tedious. The best example of a tedious task is taking a shower. I’ve always taken my showers at night, usually around 8:00-9:00. I’m one of these clean freaks who feels like I’m absolutely filthy if I skip one shower, but it just gets harder and harder to get into that shower each night. At first I chalked it up to the cold weather, but recently it’s been fairly warm and I still don’t want take a shower. The whole idea of being naked and soaking wet is just laborious. My solution? Dry cleaning.
There must be some kind of apparatus I can get into that would quickly and clean me without my getting wet. I’d still have to go through the trouble of taking all my clothes off, but at this point I see no way around this barrier. The device would be like a shower, I suppose, but instead of water I’d be sprayed with some chemical that would evaporate quickly. I have no idea what chemical. I probably couldn’t use whatever the dry cleaning industry uses. What other options are there? Rubbing alcohol? Lighter fluid? There must be something.
An alternative to the chemical spray would be a laser that would delicately burn the filth off of me without cooking me alive.
The laser idea is also a potential solution to the insanely dull task of shaving every day.
And I don’t even want to mention the excruciating chore of clipping my fingernails and toenails.
I’m finding various ordinary day-to-day tasks increasingly tedious. The best example of a tedious task is taking a shower. I’ve always taken my showers at night, usually around 8:00-9:00. I’m one of these clean freaks who feels like I’m absolutely filthy if I skip one shower, but it just gets harder and harder to get into that shower each night. At first I chalked it up to the cold weather, but recently it’s been fairly warm and I still don’t want take a shower. The whole idea of being naked and soaking wet is just laborious. My solution? Dry cleaning.
There must be some kind of apparatus I can get into that would quickly and clean me without my getting wet. I’d still have to go through the trouble of taking all my clothes off, but at this point I see no way around this barrier. The device would be like a shower, I suppose, but instead of water I’d be sprayed with some chemical that would evaporate quickly. I have no idea what chemical. I probably couldn’t use whatever the dry cleaning industry uses. What other options are there? Rubbing alcohol? Lighter fluid? There must be something.
An alternative to the chemical spray would be a laser that would delicately burn the filth off of me without cooking me alive.
The laser idea is also a potential solution to the insanely dull task of shaving every day.
And I don’t even want to mention the excruciating chore of clipping my fingernails and toenails.
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Weird.
Early this morning I dreamed that there was something in the side of my mouth causing some slight pain. I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw there was something shiny just barely sticking out of the corner of my mouth. When I pulled it out I was surprised to find that what had been in my mouth was a full sized clipboard. How it got in there I'll never know.
Early this morning I dreamed that there was something in the side of my mouth causing some slight pain. I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw there was something shiny just barely sticking out of the corner of my mouth. When I pulled it out I was surprised to find that what had been in my mouth was a full sized clipboard. How it got in there I'll never know.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Search Requests of the Damned.
Even while I was on hiatus I still collected the bizarre search request queries that would show up in my referrer logs. We live in a world of unparalled depravity.
enema blog
Oddly enough Volume 22 was originally going to be an enema blog, but I decided that was just too messy.
ant+pen+porn
This came from Google Thailand. All I'll say is that if anyone finds any ant pen porn will you please let me know. It's for research purposes. I swear.
miced burned by car engines
Ordinarily in a situation like this I'd have something really clever to say, but I'm left oddly speechless.
what does it mean when your 22 year old watches too much porno?
That he's normal? And just how much is too much? I need to know. For research purposes.
cooked alive by a woman
I'm not sure if the searcher is for or against being cooked alive by a woman.
wanking schedule
But won't the pencil get all sticky?
"my vagina" "not porn"
OK, your vagina's not porn, but I don't know why you'd think there'd be any information about it on my blog. I don't even know you. Or do I?
japanese bubblegum blowing -crisis -crash
I always relate Japanese bubble blowing with crises and crashes.
who trapped frogs for a zoo before he hit upon the idea of frozen foods
I don't know, but now I really wish I did.
exoskeleton porn
Next someone will search for "barely legal exoskeleton porn".
why do penises go pink and blotchy?
They do that before they fall off. Or at least that's what happened to mine.
buddy holly everyday wanking
I think that was the name of the album he was working on before he died.
And these are all kind of old, so if you hit the links, Volume 22 isn't listed on the first page of hardly any of these.
Even while I was on hiatus I still collected the bizarre search request queries that would show up in my referrer logs. We live in a world of unparalled depravity.
enema blog
Oddly enough Volume 22 was originally going to be an enema blog, but I decided that was just too messy.
ant+pen+porn
This came from Google Thailand. All I'll say is that if anyone finds any ant pen porn will you please let me know. It's for research purposes. I swear.
miced burned by car engines
Ordinarily in a situation like this I'd have something really clever to say, but I'm left oddly speechless.
what does it mean when your 22 year old watches too much porno?
That he's normal? And just how much is too much? I need to know. For research purposes.
cooked alive by a woman
I'm not sure if the searcher is for or against being cooked alive by a woman.
wanking schedule
But won't the pencil get all sticky?
"my vagina" "not porn"
OK, your vagina's not porn, but I don't know why you'd think there'd be any information about it on my blog. I don't even know you. Or do I?
japanese bubblegum blowing -crisis -crash
I always relate Japanese bubble blowing with crises and crashes.
who trapped frogs for a zoo before he hit upon the idea of frozen foods
I don't know, but now I really wish I did.
exoskeleton porn
Next someone will search for "barely legal exoskeleton porn".
why do penises go pink and blotchy?
They do that before they fall off. Or at least that's what happened to mine.
buddy holly everyday wanking
I think that was the name of the album he was working on before he died.
And these are all kind of old, so if you hit the links, Volume 22 isn't listed on the first page of hardly any of these.
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Melting.
All the beautiful snow's melting rapidly. This morning I was in the parking lot of a shopping center and noticed that the only snow visible was the enormous, filthy piles from when the lot was cleaned off yesterday. A couple of the piles were ten or more feet high. I suddenly had an urge to offer someone money to climb to the top of one of them and scream, "I'm king of the world!" I had no interest in doing the climbing and screaming myself, but I wouldn't have minded being a spectator, even if it did cost me $10. But, of course, I didn't offer anyone any money to humiliate themselves for chump-change. I really should be more outgoing.
All the beautiful snow's melting rapidly. This morning I was in the parking lot of a shopping center and noticed that the only snow visible was the enormous, filthy piles from when the lot was cleaned off yesterday. A couple of the piles were ten or more feet high. I suddenly had an urge to offer someone money to climb to the top of one of them and scream, "I'm king of the world!" I had no interest in doing the climbing and screaming myself, but I wouldn't have minded being a spectator, even if it did cost me $10. But, of course, I didn't offer anyone any money to humiliate themselves for chump-change. I really should be more outgoing.
Friday, February 27, 2004
Last Snow Day Ever.
We got what’s probably going to be the last snow of the season last night, which means I get one more snow day. I should, of course, spend this time doing important things like reading the next chapter in my evil accounting textbook, studying for the next excruciating LAN test, or doing the latest assignment in my utterly useless web design class. Naturally, I haven’t been doing any of these things. So, instead of doing homework, I put on warm clothes, got my Nikon SLR and my cheap-ass digital camera, and slogged out into the snow.
The snow is the deepest we’ve had in a long time. There were points when it would’ve been useful to have snowshoes, or whatever those tennis-racket-looking-things you strap to your feet are called.
This is a semi-rural area, so I had lots of snow covered trees, a barn, and wide expanses of land to shoot. But, I suppose, if you've seen one snow covered barn, you've pretty much seen them all.
I shot up an entire roll of slide film in the Nikon, which will probably join the rest of the exposed rolls that I’ve had laying around for nearly two years. The digital pictures, on the other hand, were going up on the moblog. It’s a cheap and nasty camera, but I don’t have to wait for the results.
Unfortunately, when I got back inside and hooked the digital up to my computer I was informed the camera had no pictures in it. So eighteen pixilated, blurry, but carefully composed shots were now in oblivion. It’s things like this that are killing me.
Earlier, I did manage to get a couple of shots of the snow and they’re up at the moblog if you're interested.
I’m exhausted.
We got what’s probably going to be the last snow of the season last night, which means I get one more snow day. I should, of course, spend this time doing important things like reading the next chapter in my evil accounting textbook, studying for the next excruciating LAN test, or doing the latest assignment in my utterly useless web design class. Naturally, I haven’t been doing any of these things. So, instead of doing homework, I put on warm clothes, got my Nikon SLR and my cheap-ass digital camera, and slogged out into the snow.
The snow is the deepest we’ve had in a long time. There were points when it would’ve been useful to have snowshoes, or whatever those tennis-racket-looking-things you strap to your feet are called.
This is a semi-rural area, so I had lots of snow covered trees, a barn, and wide expanses of land to shoot. But, I suppose, if you've seen one snow covered barn, you've pretty much seen them all.
I shot up an entire roll of slide film in the Nikon, which will probably join the rest of the exposed rolls that I’ve had laying around for nearly two years. The digital pictures, on the other hand, were going up on the moblog. It’s a cheap and nasty camera, but I don’t have to wait for the results.
Unfortunately, when I got back inside and hooked the digital up to my computer I was informed the camera had no pictures in it. So eighteen pixilated, blurry, but carefully composed shots were now in oblivion. It’s things like this that are killing me.
Earlier, I did manage to get a couple of shots of the snow and they’re up at the moblog if you're interested.
I’m exhausted.
Monday, February 16, 2004
I'm still on hiatus, part V.
I'm too busy and way too bummed out to post anything here these days, but I did sign up for a Textamerica photoblog. I don't post much there either, but periodically I'll put up a picture of my feet or something. This new photoblog replaces my old Fotolog site which I just got sick of because the host was so crummy. And, of course, the previous photoblog replaced my Tabulas blog after I maxed it out with too many pictures. So there's a bunch of stuff to keep you folks busy with while I finish having my breakdown.
I'm too busy and way too bummed out to post anything here these days, but I did sign up for a Textamerica photoblog. I don't post much there either, but periodically I'll put up a picture of my feet or something. This new photoblog replaces my old Fotolog site which I just got sick of because the host was so crummy. And, of course, the previous photoblog replaced my Tabulas blog after I maxed it out with too many pictures. So there's a bunch of stuff to keep you folks busy with while I finish having my breakdown.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
I'm still on hiatus, part IV.
I thought my hiatus was over, but it's not. The idea of putting even the simplest of entries together fills me with exhaustion.
The poll results were interesting. Six of you want me to come back, one of you thinks I'm too tired to come back yet, and six of you were looking for porn. Actually only five of you were looking for porn; one of the porn votes was me testing the poll thingy. Well, I'm not psychologically fit to come back, but as far as the porn goes, let me strongly suggest that you have a look at the excellent (and not safe for work) ErosBlog. Not only is it a pretty good blog, but they have links to lots of other similar blogs (which also aren't safe for work).
I thought my hiatus was over, but it's not. The idea of putting even the simplest of entries together fills me with exhaustion.
The poll results were interesting. Six of you want me to come back, one of you thinks I'm too tired to come back yet, and six of you were looking for porn. Actually only five of you were looking for porn; one of the porn votes was me testing the poll thingy. Well, I'm not psychologically fit to come back, but as far as the porn goes, let me strongly suggest that you have a look at the excellent (and not safe for work) ErosBlog. Not only is it a pretty good blog, but they have links to lots of other similar blogs (which also aren't safe for work).
Sunday, February 08, 2004
Content. Sort of.
I'm sinking to an all time low today: this entry was email junk my sister forwarded me.
-----------------
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the Clemson University Engineering Department:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
A. '65 Ford Fairlane
B. '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
C. '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I'm sinking to an all time low today: this entry was email junk my sister forwarded me.
-----------------
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the Clemson University Engineering Department:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
A. '65 Ford Fairlane
B. '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
C. '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
Thursday, February 05, 2004
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